Barstool Sports

Chicago Tribune - Kurt E. Johnson, 50, of the 0-100 block of Ashlawn Avenue in Oswego, was arrested Thursday night after security at Blackjacks Gentlemen’s Club saw him parked down the street despite being banned from the club, said sheriff’s police Lt. Pat Gengler. Security banned Johnson from the club after he repeatedly gave gifts to one of the female employees and eventually started showing up at her home, Gengler said. When police questioned Johnson, he told officers he was waiting for a date. Police found papers in Johnson’s car that had the woman’s address, her license plate number and plate numbers of her family members, Gengler said. He also had $9,000 in cash.

I got nothing against stalking a chick whatsoever. If you think about it it’s a pretty huge compliment to pick somebody out and dedicate your entire life to following them in your car, observing from a safe distance and masturbating semi-regularly into old Subway drink cups as they go about their daily routine. I think any sane minded chick would be positively flattered by that. But I guess I’m curious why this dude choose a stripper? Where’s the fun in that? Where’s the mystery? She works at a night club. Digs hair metal. Probably won’t say “No” if you offered her coke or some pills. Occasionally she dances on guys and makes them come their pants and in her free time she’s studying for med school. That’s the life of a stripper. Next time this dude should pick someone mysterious. Like a bus monitor for example. Make the chase as satisfying for you as it is for them. Or just get a Facebook account and legally stalk every girl in the world from the safety of your computer without the hassle of getting your face blasted all over the Internet. That’s always an option.