Barstool Sports

Source - A Maine woman who was expecting to engage in a “threesome” with neighbors is facing criminal charges for allegedly brandishing several knives after the tryst failed to occur, police report. Valerie Nile, 44, was arrested late Tuesday evening inside the home of Edward Sabatino, who called 911 to report that Nile was “intoxicated and was threatening him with a knife.” 

When Knox County Sheriff’s Office deputies arrived at the 56-year-old Sabatino’s residence, he told them that “they were all drinking and hanging out” when Nile went into the kitchen and retrieved three knives. Sabatino, who shares his home with roommate Shawna Chickering, 30, said that Nile “lives two trailers over.” After being handcuffed by a deputy, Nile explained that she, Sabatino, and Chickering “were going to have a threesome.” That encounter did not materialize (though the trio of knives did).

You know I kinda get where this chick is coming from. You know how infuriating it would be to go through that misunderstanding and see a threesome you expected fall through the cracks? It’d be like reading the wrong winning numbers to the lottery, thinking you won and when you tried to cash in the ticket the cashier just laughs in your face for five minutes then punches you in the cock as hard as he can. No way you can go from thinking you’re getting a menage a trois to beating off or finger rocketing yourself without passing by some deep, dark caveman shit that just turns you into a violent, knife-wielding maniac. So yeah I understand Valerie Nile’s plight. Hard to blame her for biology being such a fickle fucker and ruining her night. Wasn’t her fault.