Chicago Tribune - A Chicago man has been charged with wielding a screwdriver as a weapon to steal gold chains off the necks of men in the Little Village neighborhood, according to charges announced in Cook County Bond Court today. Michael Marquez, 30, of the 900 block of West 32nd Place, used a screwdriver in two armed robberies to threaten men and take their gold necklace chains, said Cook County Assistant State’s Atty. Rich Gleason. The robberies took place on Sept. 28 at the 2600 block of South Harding Avenue and on Oct. 2 in the 3900 block of West 26th Street. Gleason said Marquez held the screwdriver over his head in the first robbery while grabbing the chain off the man’s neck and fleeing. In the second robbery, Marquez pushed the screwdriver into the man’s stomach and took the gold chain, Gleason said.
You know what blows my mind? Not that this guy thought he could use a screwdriver as a weapon and ended up robbing people left and right with it. I mean he lives in the hood, literally anything counts as a weapon there. You could beat somebody over the head with a 2 piece leg and thigh from Church’s Chicken and I wouldn’t bat an eyelash. That’s just how the ghetto rolls. What’s surprising is he was holding the screwdriver over his head when he stuck people up. Who does that anymore? How could you possibly respect yourself after getting robbed by some Mexican karate kid holding a screwdriver over his head? That’s a grandfather move bro. All the credit in the world to this guy for pulling it off, but lets be honest you try that move in prison you’re getting laughed at and shower raped in a heartbeat.
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