Barstool Sports

Chicago Sun Times - A 77-year-old Chicago man has been charged with taking an ambulance from a west suburban hospital Tuesday night and driving it back to the South Side, where he was arrested. About 11:15 p.m., John Neal allegedly got into Cicero Fire Department Ambulance No. 14 at MacNeal Hospital in Berwyn and drove off, Chicago Police said. Officers spotted the ambulance in the 1500 block of West 63rd Street and pulled it over, News Affairs Officer Hector Alfaro said. While driving the ambulance, Neal damaged its passenger-side undercarriage and passenger-side mirror, according to police. Police did not know why Neal allegedly took the ambulance.

Now that’s how you do it. That’s how you age gracefully. None of this sitting around in a nursing home pooping yourself and fabricating stories to make your life seem worth it or drooling away in a coma being a total drag on everyone’s life. Gross. Fuck that. John Neal is playing for keeps. Marched right up to that ambulance in his $8 button down from Wal Mart and put the pedal to the fucking medal. Seriously what’s the worst that’s gonna happen? Not like they can charge you with anything. Dude’s way too old for that. Just wanted to cruise around in an ambulance before they load him in the back in like two weeks when he dies from heart failure or crack overdose. I feel you John. Once more into the breach dear friend.