Denmark - The iPhone makes up for all sorts of inadequacies, and now in Denmark, it will help one minimally endowed man feel a little better. In one of the strangest Web contests ever, a Danish erotica site is promising an iPhone to whichever entrant has the smallest penis, as judged by submitted photos. “So far we have received six to seven images which are posted, but we have more trickling in, which we are vetting to make sure they are not stolen from the Web,” SingleSex.dk owner Morten Fabricius tells AFP. “Everything has to be bigger, and bigger, and bigger. It’s incredible how the media has frightened people from showing themselves as they are.” He added: “It’s a competition which is weird and funny and almost too much. It’s a competition which is at the core of manhood, the most important thing for a man. There are so many unhappy men out there who think you have to have a giant penis, but it’s not normal to have a huge one.”
“It’s a competition which is weird and funny”? Really bro? Funny? You think not having an iPhone and owning a baby dick is something to laugh about? That’s funny to you? Well let me tell you Morten Fabricius, it isn’t funny. Maybe for you and your awesome knob piece and 4G Siri satellite cell phone life is all fun and games and sexual adequacy. But not for the rest of us. Not for the Asians and cheap Irish people. I mean you think I like roaming around this planet with a Samsung Android dude? You think I like having Big Cat make fun of me everyday on G-Chat because I mistakenly try to send him a link with my phone and it takes like a half hour to trudge it’s way through space and reach him when it’s probably just way faster to hop the Red line to his place and show him in person? You think I like getting 99% of the way there with a girl only to have everything stall out when she goes “Oh. Is that it?” as she makes a Jackie Chan joke and walks out the door? Well, it isn’t fun Morten. Not one bit. It’s a brutal undertaking. But it’s the cross I bear. So yeah, I’m gonna enter your contest. I needs me that phone to make up for the years of pain I’ve been subject to. Just know that when I win, and there’s a good chance I do, I’m laughing right in your face before I buffer up some PornHub and go home with my prize.