Barstool Sports

Chicago Tribune - A Chicago police sergeant was found guilty today of two felony counts for slapping a teen in an attack in October 2010 caught on videotape. Judge Clayton Crane convicted Edward Howard Jr. of aggravated battery and official misconduct following a bench trial. Howard testified earlier today that Gregory Jeffries was about to spit at him when “I redirected his face away from mine.” Howard contended police officers can’t back down in order “to meet the challenge” on Chicago streets.

Hey Judge Crane are you out of your fucking mind bro? You can’t walk outside to get the morning paper in this city without gettin’ got and you’re mad about a little slap fight? There’s been 5 gajillion murders since April and you take a sergeant off the streets for a little kinky foreplay? I mean who cares if this guy was a cop or not, if someone is about to spit in your face you slap them and you slap them hard. Slap the shit out of them.

Although I will say this cop may have just opened up a big can of worms with that “I redirected his face away from mine” quote. Absolutely, hands-down, the best defense for hitting somebody I’ve ever heard. Every domestic violence 911 call from now to eternity is going to end with some gap-toothed, GED holding woman-beater saying “Officer I was jus’ a-redirectin’ the lady’s face away from mine is all.”