Yahoo - Shawnee (N.J.) High senior basketball star Josh Borrelli is often the “MVP” of his team’s victories. He scores 20 or more points practically every time he steps on to the floor and has the kind of smooth shot from distance that can easily translate to the next level. In short, he has all the ingredients to be the Shawnee basketball team’s big man on campus. Yet, as it turns out, Borrelli has yet to even celebrate one of his team’s victories with his teammates, for a rather compelling reason: He has to get to a tanning bed fast … on doctor’s orders. Borrelli suffers from a phenomenally rare skin disease called Mucha-Habermann, which is an auto-immune condition which causes his skin to break out in rashes and lesions. Rather, all Borrelli can do is take medicine and spend eight minutes per day in an ultraviolet tanning booth. To ensure that the ultraviolet technique is effective, Borrelli can’t miss a single day.
Oh cool so you’re a kid from New Jersey with the last name “Borrelli” who has to tan every day to stay alive? Sweet, and what’s your condition called? Mucha-Habermann? Well hey listen that sounds a little boring and plain so we’re gonna spice it up and just call you “Italian” from now on because that’s about the most dago shit I’ve ever heard in my life.
Seriously is this kid honestly trying to pull this “I need 8 minutes a day in the salon” routine? Yeah bro and I can’t stay in the sun for 8 minutes at a time or else my skin pigment turns pink and I look like a fucking flamingo. It’s not a disease it’s called being Irish. So you like the feeling of being in the tanning booth and browning the leather every day, big whoop dude. It’s 2013, nobody cares.