Barstool Chicago has finally landed its Bears writer. I will be with you for the next 26 weeks as the Monsters of the Midway middle finger and produce gorgeous children on their way to New Orleans. Since Whitesox Dave did it, and I think I’m the only one who actually listens to him, I guess I should introduce myself.
I have been a Bears fan since I was cast as the Funky QB in my 3rd grade talent show reenactment of the superbowl shuffle and I haven’t looked back since. I love this city and I love this team and I feel kind of cheap that my first year writing about them will be the year that they have the most legitimate post season expectations since ’85 but I’m over it. I am ready to follow this team to the promised land and ready to make sure all of you degenerates come with me.
If football was played on paper, I would be writing about how tight Pres’ butthole must be because the Bears would easily be in mid squat over Belichick’s face and celebrating 2 straight superbowl wins over the Pats. Since it’s not, I have to save that blog until February 4th. This team is good and we all know that. Their schedule is favorable and we all know that. This team should succeed and we all should be expecting that. Nothing short of a season of Fog Bowls should keep this team out of the NFC Championship game at the very least.
With one preseason game in the books, my opinion and outlook for the season has not moved an inch. McClellin having some noticeable speed coming off Denver’s 3rd string line is a nice touch to come out of a disgusting game but that is really all you can take from a game that had no Jay, Forte or Peppers. I’ll worry about Urlacher when he’s no where to be found 5 minutes before the season opener but until then I’ll assume he is fine. This Saturday will make it 2 weeks in a row that I am more interested in the opposing teams QB than almost anything that will come out of a few unplanned series with the Bears first team. After that I will be watching, just like all of you, but not expecting much until September of 4th when the Bears start their tour of dominance that ends in New Orleans.
I am ready to tear shit up with some of the best fans in the world with one of the most proud franchises in professional sports history. Like I said to Neil in my application email, I’m glad Pres finally came to his senses and gave the best city in the world their own domain so we don’t have to feign interest in Boston sports anymore. That being said, I assure you that there is not enough smut in the world to make me even think about pretending to have interest in either New York or Philly sports. That is no lie. I have thought about how my entrance into the Barstool Sports Community would look and I cannot think of anything that is more accurate than this video. Peace out.