Barstool Sports

London - Jessica Thom, a sassy and smart 32-year-old from London, says the word “biscuit” 16,000 times a day. She also involuntarily bangs her head against the wall, beats her chest and when least expected, lets out a guttural sound or swears. 

Her brother-in-law recently took note of her verbal tic and counted her saying it 16 times a minute, or about 900 times an hour. In one day alone, she has hit herself on the forehead with a phone, a carton of apple juice, a set of keys, a toilet roll and a strawberry. “I know I tic all the time and it sort of pisses me off — biscuit, biscuit,” Thom told ABCNews.com. “But if I paid attention to it all the time, I wouldn’t get much done. Sometimes I get overloaded — biscuit, biscuit. I’ll punch myself in the chest hundreds of times a day and my legs move erratically about.”

First of all, this chick can cut the bullshit. I mean as real as she makes this out to be I’m just not seeing it. Too much going on for it to be real. Like the saying “biscuit” 16,000 times a day is already borderline ridiculous. But then you add on involuntarily banging her head against walls and beating the shit out of herself all day in the chest and I’m throwing red flags up all over the field. A little too much “retard” and not enough “Tourette’s” if you ask me. I’m calling her bluff.

But second, let’s say this was true. Does saying “biscuit” 16,000 times a day get this girl laid? I mean as kooky as she is she’s probably a great girl to take out on a date. No chance she’d be able to order anything expensive. Just be a pile of bread sitting in front of her the whole night. Plus there’s gotta be Tourette’s online dating websites. Maybe a speed dating event here and there but I doubt it what with the constant interruptions that’d be going on. Still, I’m saying this would get her laid every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Chick’s the queen bee of that scene, no question.

PS – Okay nevermind. As I was about to post this I found this video of her. Uh, definitely not fake. Chick is spurting Tourette’s all over the place and pounding her chest the whole 10 minutes. If you’re okay with going directly to your own level of hell immediately after watching, check this out.

Biscuit!