So as many of you may have heard, the White Sox 54 million dollar backup DH had a small cameo in Matthew McConaughey’s movie “Dallas Buyers Club”, which is up for a Best Picture Oscar next week. Now I haven’t seen the movie yet, but since he was a “blurred outline who was in the movie for 16 seconds tops” as some dude on Twitter told me, Dunn was offered the opportunity to attend the Academy Awards next week. There is however a small snag regarding his attendance – Dunn is in the middle of spring training and would have to use his ‘floating off day’ to attend the event, which he’s not sure he’s going to use or not . I’m not some asshole who says he should live and breathe baseball every second of the day, but he should definitely live and breathe baseball every second of the day. After he cracks the Mendoza Line, he can go to all the award shows he pleases.
But, more importantly, it got me thinking: what are the best cameos ever made by a pro baseball player? SOUND THE TRUMPETS! Here is your definitive list of the best cameos ever by pro baseball players. I thought about expanding the list to include all athletes, but opted against it. If I did, Cam Neely as “Seabass” in Dumb and Dumber would have obliterated the competition and took first place running away.
5. Ken Griffey Jr. as himself in “Little Big League”
Such a sweet, sweet swing. The sweetest ever in fact. Love that this bomb was hit against the Twins too. I fucking hate the Twins.
4. Derek Jeter as himself in “The Other Guys”
Now I’m not a Will Ferrel fan in the least. I think most of his movies are terrible, and anyone who likes them is a simpleton. Talladega Nights, the ice skating movie, the movie with Ditka and most of his other movies are straight up god awful. (Obviously Old School and Anchorman are classics). The Other Guys? Very… meh. Just like the rest of Ferrel’s movies. Jeter was actually decently funny in his role though. Not great, but he makes the cut.
3. Keith Hernandez as himself in “Seinfeld”
Keith Hernandez, undoubtedly high as a kite after a few dozen key bumps of booger sugar, hawked one at Kramer and Newman because Newman called him a “pretty boy” after fucking up a Mets win with an error. Or did he? One of the worlds’ mysteries that may go forever unsolved. It’s as big a mystery as the Kenny assassination, and one of the most classic Seinfeld scenes ever.
2. Roger Clemens as “Cobb” in “Kingpin”
“TAKE THAT YOU FREAKING PIECE OF SHIT! YOU DON’T MOW ANOTHER MAN’S LAWN!!!” When Woody looks around, pauses, then winds up and socks Ish right in the face I just about shit myself every time. A juiced up Rocket was perfect in this role. It suits his personality perfectly – a dirty redneck sitting in a some shithole hillbilly bar, getting pissed at a dude for hitting on his girl.
1. Reggie Jackson as himself in “The Naked Gun” (disclaimer: there wasn’t an extended video of Reggie Jackson’s actual role, the internet totally fucked up today)
Enrico Pollazo!! Enrico Pollazo!!! Last summer at the Thunderbolts game when Big Cat sang the National Anthem, there was a small part of me (read: HUGE part of me) that really hoped he fucked up as bad as Lieutenant Frank Drebin did, but he actually knocked it out of the park. When it was over I started chanting “ENRICO POLLAZO!” at the top of my lungs as a salute to this scene. This ten minutes is hands down one of the funniest stretches in movie history. From the National Anthem, to the Strike 3 sequence, to the bloopers on the jumbotron. I laugh so hard I cry every time I watch it.
*Worst cameo by a pro baseball player in movie history* – Sammy Sosa in “Hardball”
This is undoubtedly the worst cameo by a professional athlete in a movie or TV show of all time. It may even be the worst scene in movie history. Sammy Sosa waving to a bunch of hoodlums in old Tiger Stadium/ a green screen. Shitty graphics and even worse acting. Of course it’s a Cubs player that has the worst cameo ever. Just brutal all the way around. smh
Feel free to discuss any omissions you feel I may have made in the comment section amongst yourselves.
Thank you all for reading,