Barstool Sports

Columbus - Before Allison Sisson received Catholic Communion for the first time, her mom talked to their priest about the girl’s celiac disease, a condition in which eating wheat gluten can cause severe damage to the intestines. The priest ordered gluten-free hosts and held one on a separate plate for that day and when she attended Mass at Holy Spirit Catholic Church in Whitehall. But about four weeks ago, the word came down from the Catholic Diocese of Columbus that the hosts didn’t meet Vatican standards because they didn’t contain wheat. A low-gluten option was available, so Allison, an 11-year-old fourth-grader at Holy Spirit School, tried it. But, she said, “it tasted disgusting.” She has decided to receive just wine when she takes Communion, even though that makes her sad, she said. For Catholics, consecrated bread and wine are the body and blood of Jesus, and the sacrament of Holy Eucharist is “the heart and the summit of the Church’s life,” according to its catechism.

Allison, I know you’re young, but sometimes you have to learn to leave well enough alone. Trust me, you aren’t missing out on skipping the communion wafer. It’s awful. Just a super stale, flavorless, chewy cracker that tastes downright ridiculous. I would’ve killed to have celiac disease when I was going to church during my formative years to skip eating that thing. Stick to the booze and count your blessings babe, you’re living the dream. Just kick back, inhale all the communion wine you want and make some bad decisions. Isn’t that what being a catholic school girl is all about in the first place?

PS – In all seriousness, how fucking crazy is religion? I know I’m kicking a dead horse by saying that, and then kicking yet another dead horse by using that idiom to describe it, but all the rules, regulations and hoops to jump through to accommodate people like Allison Sisson are such bullshit. Hey if God made her allergic to gluten and she can’t eat the body of Christ, she’s probably a Jew or a non-believer. Either way, GTFO of Church you heathen.