Reader Email – Watch As A Couple Of Stoolies Take Down A Thief



This just happened yesterday at my family gas station. My old man caught some low life trying to steal a FourLoco. Thief tries to take off but he didn’t realize my dad is 1/16th Spider Monkey, he hops on Scumbag’s back and won’t let go. Then my younger brother and I come into scene. Guess the kid didn’t realize that I was  Sectional Qualifier for wrestling back in High School, pretty big deal in my town. Couple of cross faces and the ol’ chicken wing move and got his arms behind his back. Kid’s not going anywhere. I’ve seen too many episodes of cops… he was outmatched. He was in so much pain with my knees pushing into his neck and back. You know what kids used to say to the fat kid before a fight “What are you gonna do, sit on me?” Damn right, that’s all we have to do. One move to get you to the ground and the fight’s over. We’re just gonna crush you’re ribs to death and you’re done.

-Mark N.

-P.S. How bout my little brother just standing there the whole time. Kid’s stronger than me and didn’t do anything but hold the door open so i can get some fresh air I guess. Be an Athlete Bro.




This might be the best reader email I have ever gotten. The video, the email, all of it. Laugh out loud funny. Stoolie Justice coming through in a HUGE way. And it’s one thing to tell me that you did the old fat kid sitting on someone move but it’s another to actually have the proof to back it up. You can literally hear this stoolie say “Move Dad, I’m going to fucking sit on this guy”.





A+ work all around.  Guess he really didn’t realize you were Sectional Qualifier for wrestling back in High School. Rookie mistake.  





The most ridiculous part of this entire story is the fact that these guys are treating a $2.99 4Loko like a fucking brick of gold. Don’t you dare try to steal a penny from Mark N’s gas station, otherwise you’ll get sat on while his brother holds the door open for air.


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