Our Pal Vladimir Putin Is Ready To Help Put All This Conspiracy Talk To Bed


SOCHI, Russia – Russian President Vladimir Putin said on Wednesday that U.S. President Donald Trump had not passed on any secrets to Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov during a meeting in Washington last week and that he could prove it.
Speaking at a news conference alongside Italian Prime Minister Paolo Gentiloni in the Black Sea resort of Sochi, Putin quipped that Lavrov was remiss for not passing on what he made clear he believed were non-existent secrets.

“I spoke to him (Lavrov) today,” said Putin with a smile. “I’ll be forced to issue him with a reprimand because he did not share these secrets with us. Not with me, nor with representatives of Russia’s intelligence services. It was very bad of him.”

Thanks, Vladdy! We should have this whole ordeal cleaned up in no time. Whew. What a relief.

What a selfless guy that Putin is. Not only does he look sexy as all shits and all fucks when riding horseback, but he’s willing to extend the olive branch of peace by providing transcripts of events that happened in the Oval Office. You kinda gotta believe that he really has the conversations transcribed, too. After all, they were allowed to bring camera equipment into the Oval Office while they were chumming it up. Might as well have a stenographer too. They probably could have gotten away with bringing in this couch.


“Dont forget, comrade. In Russia, the balls cup you.”

Putin is cocky as fuck right now. Openly mocking what’s going on in America with a sly smile and a stern Russian laugh while talking to alongside other global leaders. Fucking embarrassing, but at least we have a good reason to get our Wednesday started right. Let’s listen to the Russia/America theme music!

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