Illinois Man Arrested For Having Sex With His Peacock, Not A Good Look For Roselle

(Source) A man from northwest suburban Roselle, in DuPage County, faces a charge of misdemeanor animal cruelty after police said he sexually abused his pet peacock. David Beckman, 64, of the 600 block of East Devon Avenue, was charged with the crime after police learned the bird died while they were investigating Beckman about an alleged case of indecent solicitation of a child. Details surrounding the case with the peacock, reportedly named Phyl, were unclear Friday, as investigators said it was part of the case involving the child, the Daily Herald reported.

Court records confirmed Beckman faces three charges of harassment by telephone, unlawful possession of drug paraphernalia, two counts of marijuana possession, attempted indecent solicitation of a child, cruelty to animals, and two counts of battery. He remained in the DuPage County Jail on Friday on a $10,000 bond. An arraignment was scheduled for June 12

Classic good news bad news situation. Bad news. We’ve got a dead peacock on our hands. Tough go for Phyl the Peacock, also tough being  named Phyl with a y, that name fucking sucks. Good news is that  David Beckman did not diddle any children, so that’s a win. Either way you slice it though, I would say David Beckman is quite possibly the most fucked up person on earth. Peacock sex is bad enough. But when you fuck a peacock to death only because you were unsuccessful in finding a child, well then you’ve officially reserved yourself a seat in the darkest corner of hell. Hopefully David Beckman will enjoy many years of getting his ass beaten in prison before that happens though. If not for me and you, for Phyl. RIP.

PS
If you own a rare bird, like a peacock or a pelican or anything cool and exciting, I just assume you’re having sex with it. Crazy people own Parrots. Psychos own Pigeons. Bird fuckers own peacocks. That’s just kind of an unspoken rule as far as I’m concerned.