So last night we had Mo on KFC Radio and the question came up, who would you pick if you did a racial draft and you got to choose any black person. And my answer, without even a moment’s hesitation was a Black Midget. Now before I get into why I want to have a black Midget in my crew let me just clear one thing up. I don’t want to OWN a black midget (rent, maybe). That’s way racist. I just want a black midget to be my friend and do black midget things with me. Way less racist.
So now that we’ve cleared that up, on to my line of thinking. Have you ever seen a black midget before? I have not. Not in real life. Sure you see them on TV and in movies but can you really trust those two mediums, what with CGI and special effects? No you can’t. So for me, a black midget is sort of like a unicorn. You know it exists. You know its a real thing. But you’ve never or rarely ever seen one in person. It’s the most unique thing you can have. Sort of like when you get a 2 dollar bill. Do you spend it right away? Hell no. You walk around with that 2 dollar bill in your pocket, with a little pep in your step knowing your just a little different than everyone else. Well that’s exactly what it would feel like to have a black midget in your crew. I don’t know what exactly we would do together. I don’t really care. Because once you get a black midget, everything else in your life will fall into place. Its almost like winning the Lottery. Once you get that cash, everything else will handle itself. That’s how Black Midgets work. All the pieces to the puzzle fit.
People seem to think my disdain for short people (most notably schefter) works for midgets as well. Quite the contrary. I LOVE midgets. If you’re going to do something in life you might as well be the best at it and midgets are the best at being short.They dominate the short game. No one outshorts a midget. Honestly, if you asked me if I would rather be 5’3” or 3’5” I would take 3’5” every single time. Midgets are the best, and anyone who disagrees is an asshole.
My second pick would be a Tall Mexican. Never see tall Mexicans. That’s my dream crew right there.
Big Cat, a black midget, a tall Mexican, and Stone Cold Steve Austin. We’d be like a Swiss Army knife. Have a different height/race for every situation.