Ex "Girlfriend" Of Terrorist Says He Was A "Handsy Teenager" And That's Why They Broke Up

Still haven’t gotten over the Ranch Light thing.

(Newser) – Dzhokhar Tsarnaev certainly didn’t seem like a devout Muslim to a woman who had what she calls a “fleeting fling” with him at UMass-Dartmouth. Though she describes herself as being “very forward” (“I walked right up to him and I was like, ‘Oh my God, you are adorable. Can we hang out?'”), she broke things off after two weeks when he invited her to his dorm alone, she tells Mother Jones. “He wanted to go further than I did … and I realized that that’s not the kind of person that I wanted to be around,” she says. “I don’t think that’s necessarily being a terrorist. I think that’s just called being a hands-y teenaged boy.”

The woman says Tsarnaev “never mentioned anything about religion. … I just can’t see him being a radical jihadist.” She also sheds light on his relationship with his newly arrested pals, saying they were part of a nigh-inseparable group of about five Russian-speaking friends. She says she hung out, smoked pot, and listened to music with them. “They all sort of idolized Jahar,” she says, using the name Tsarnaev went by. “Jahar was always the leader in his group.”

I love this. I mean it’s pretty clear Jahar has a weird dick right? Weird dick city, population terorrista. Guy has no moves and his dick is weird. That’s the only explanation here. I don’t care about religion, or flings, or casual dating. Bottom line is this, these two were in college together, literally the easiest place on earth to get laid, and he couldn’t close the deal. That means he has a weird dick, plain and simple. Fucking terrorist, could he be anymore of a toad? Spandex under his singlet, ranch light, and an inability to hook up with a girl begging to bang.  Gleeson probably would’ve fucked her on the first date.

Quick Hypothetical – Everyone says they want to be in a room alone with this clown, well I sort of want to be in the woods alone with him. I want him to be released into the wild so that I can real life manhunt him. So say I gave him a 2 hour headstart in a 2 square mile enclosed wooded area, how long until I get him? Half a day? I’ve seen Rambo like 60 times, I feel like I would hunt his ass down in under 8 hours.