SMYRNA, Tenn. - Smyrna police have arrested a man wanted for stealing underwear from a woman’s home last weekend.
Michael Ballinger is charged in the theft that occurred Saturday night at the 18-year-old victim’s home on Burntwood Drive in the Vineyards subdivision. In addition to undergarments, pictures and other personal items were taken. The items have been recovered and Ballinger has confessed to the crime, police said.
Investigators said Ballinger has a history of committing similar crimes. He is suspected in a break-in Monday in La Vergne. Ballinger is charged with aggravated burglary and theft under $500. He is scheduled to appear in court September 26.
Ummm yeah it actually does. It looks exactly like the type of guy that would rob women’s underwear for a living. Like exactly. Which brings up the point, what is Michael Ballinger thinking? Clean up your look man. I don’t know, get a toupee, maybe a little sleep so you don’t look like an owl, stick your face in a bowl of ice water to get rid of that fat face, basically anything to change the look you currently have going. Because I took one look at you and I saw a guy who sniffs panties for a living. You are oozing panty sniffer, straight out of your pores. Dress for the job you want, not the job you have, unless the job you have is to steal panties from people, then try to dress like literally anything else.
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