Did Tom Brady Die In 2001 And Get Replaced By A Imposter?
Last night I was online looking at the many millions of websites that definitely dont have pictures of Michael Sam and I came across a interesting picture of Tom Brady from back in 2000 at the NFL combine. We’ve all seen it. Basicaly it looks like the kid who mows your lawn who had a bowl cut and a big earring until he was 22. I studied the picture very hard and then did a googles image search of more recent pictures of Tom Brady without his shirt- one thing led to another and after several hours of studying and drinking arbor mist I may of become too woke. But the more I look the more I notice that Bradys body underwent several notable changes. Namely he stopped being ugly and out of shape out of nowhere and he stopped sucking at football in approximately the year 2001.
As Brady good friend Donald Trump posits, that just dosen’t jive with medical science. You dont magically start getting better at excercising after practicing sports for years and years. Someone who worked out as much as Brady should of had his internal battery drained by now, but instead it appears that years of physical conditioning (aka deterioration) have only made him get in better shape. The only way this would be possble is if every NFL team and there scouts were all incompetent or everyone just copied off the Browns big board that year. The only logical explanaton is that its a different person all together.
I dont care how many tomatoes you dont eat the human body dosen’t get faster, stronger, more attractive, and fertile after you turn 30. We know from his wikipedia page as well that Brady was experencing crippling anxiety while at college. Does this sound like the behavior of a man who would gladly jump on the cover of Madden and invoke the biggest potental curse in the history of mankind? College Brady would of thrown a punch at your face for even suggesting it, but since he was about 5% less accurate with his completion percentage in college, its likely that punch would of missed. Now the only thing about Brady that shrinks under pressure is the footballs that he doctor’s. Just stay woke out there is all Im saying.
His playing style has also changed alot since becoming a pro. In college Brady was not the dual-threat QB that we know him as now- averaging negative 1.7 yards per carry. Then coincidentally he became one of the most relaiable short yardage threats in NFL history whose averaged 1.8 YPC over the last 14 seasons. That kind of turnaround isnt accidental. No NFL QB has ever gone from averaging negative YPC in one NFL season to averaging postive YPC the following year. Plus Bradys most recent season his YPC was double what he had in his rookie year. You dont magicaly get better at running after you turn 38.
So what happened to the orignal Tom Brady? I’m glad you asked. Some theorize he went on to star in the smash showtime hit “Dexter” about a psychopath whose also good and finding and killing murderers which would of been a nice skill to have in the Patriot’s lockerroom after they drafted Aaron Hernandez. However I’m a firm believer in Occams Razor that the simplest explanaton tends to be the most accurate one so I think Tom Brady was either a) murdered by Bridget Moynahan, or b)was simply a twin, who was replaced by his other twin who had inherited the recessive clutch gene, and evidence of this is the couple times over the course of Bradys career where the old Brady has had to fill in when they play the New York Giants.