Cubs Draft Review, Kris Bryant Era Has Begun

Big Cat’s Note – I’m trying to bring everyone a little of what they want. Tits, Ass, funny stories, good videos, and some more in depth sports stuff. The longer sports stuff takes a ton of time (Chief’s post game blog posts for example I know take him a while to do, and I think everyone agrees that they’ve all been great) so I’m trying to find specialist writers to fill that void. I will still do all sports, these are just the occasional blog. Exactly how pres does all sports on Boston but has Jerry and Rear Admiral as well. So anyway, this post was written by my friend Carl. He’s going to contribute some Cubs stuff from time to time because 1) He’s a good writer and 2) He knows a lot about baseball. If you love Carl let me know, if you hate him, also let me know. But I think he’s good so he’s most likely going to stay. 
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Good Cub news is hard to come by these days. We’re getting beat in every phase of baseball night in and night out. Every phase. Infield play. Two out hitting. Everything. Sure, an overwhelmingly medicore lineup doesn’t help the cause, and neither does our JV bullpen, but for chrissakes this is getting out of hand. Like I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Albert Pujols found time to hit a game winner against us today and we’re hosting the fucking Pirates. That’s how bad this is.
But not everything sucks. Believe it or not, there is still a small chance that maybe we’re not destined for eternal misery. That maybe there’s a chance we actually win something, one time, just once. And with the news of drafting Kris Bryant 2nd overall last night, that chance grew just a little bit more. Allow me to explain.
Kris Bryant drops dick better than just about any player available in the last few drafts. This 6’5 220 pound donkey has a legit, I repeat LEGIT, 75-80 power bat. So legit that he personally out-homered 225 of the 298 Division I baseball teams this past season. Scouts have unilaterally raved about how well this power will translate to the professional game, and strongly believe he has enough arm strength and athleticism to move to left or right if need be. There’s some doubt about his pitch recognition at this point and questions about how consistently he can hit for average, but that’s the price you pay for elite power. That trade off will always be there. Fact of the matter is we became dramatically more talented over night and that gets my cherries nice and ripe.
And for anyone upset we didn’t land Appel or Gray, you can hear me now and believe me later – Bryant is the better move. Appel turned down first round money last year TO GO BACK TO FUCKING COLLEGE. Yeah, that’s the frontline starter I want in a game 7. Someone with a real passion for studying information systems. Fuck that. Give me the guy who has no choice but to shove it up someone’s ass because he literally does not know how to do anything else. That’s the mentality I want in my number 1.
As for Gray? There’s a name for guys with plus fastballs, limited command, and no breaking ball. It’s called bartender.

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