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So last night this question was asked and in full disclosure I am absolutely AWFUL with celebrities. I don’t watch movies or shows so I literally have no knowledge of who is who. During the Oscars I confused Jennifer Lawrence and Jennifer Hudson even though one is black and one is lily white. So when this question came up I was basically lost. The only people I could come up with were contestants from The Real World/Road Rules Challenge and Professional Wrestlers. Really putting Big Cat’s interests and hobbies on full display with those two. Anyway, after a night to think about it I’m ready to give my full answer. So here it is. Big Cat’s Starting 11 on Offense.
*Note, I kept athletes off this list (No Serena Williams, Holly Mangold) and my team will run the Power I. We’re a punch you in the mouth and wear you down type of team.
Center – Melissa McCarthy
Love this pick. Strong, stocky, smaller than the rest of the line, pretty agile and seemingly not a moron. Perfect Center.
Right Guard -Oprah
Now I know what you’re thinking, Oprah is old as fuck, true, but I need experience on my team somewhere. Oprah is the PERFECT clubhouse leader. Every chick loves her. She’s seen it all. She can guide my younger players. WE’RE GOING TO AUSTRALIA, AND OPRAH IS MY RIGHT GUARD!!!!!!!!
Left Guard – Kirstie Alley
Every team needs that one mean Offensive Lineman. The one that will gouge your eye out and punch you in the balls while everyone is going for a fumble. Mean. Tough. Nasty. Kirstie Alley
Right Tackle – Chaz Bono
Going a little outside the box. Yes Chaz is now a guy. But guess what, he was born a she so he/she can play on my team. Zigging when everyon else Zags. I always knew I would be an awesome GM.
Left Tackle – Precious
That’s a franchise player right there. Perfect anchor for my O-Line. Blindside on Lock Down.
Tight End – Chyna
This might actually be a bigger strecth than Chaz Bono and Chyna still technically has a vagina, but I don’t care. I have a run first offense so I don’t need a dynamic TE. All I need is a blocker and a guy who can get 7-10 yards up field when need be. Chyna was made for that role. Strongest bro on the field.
Wide Receiver – Rebecca Romijn Stamos
First of all I refuse to drop the Stamos. Some things just shouldn’t change. Second, did you know Rebecca Romijn Stamos is 5’11”? Perfect for the go route and the goal line fade.
Wide Receiver – Cameron Diaz
Perfect compliment to Stamos. Shorter, quicker, can go over the middle. I was going to have Cameron be my quarterback but I decided she couldn’t learn the playbook. Much better fit at Wide Receiver 2
Fullback- Rosie O’Donnell
Power I bitches. All about getting to that second level. No one blocks like Rosie blocks. Only potential concern, that she tries to scissor her teammates in the post game shower.
Running Back – Evelyn
Famous? Maybe not. But I can’t pass up Evelyn’s talent. I honestly think if you put her in the NFL tomorrow she would run for 1,000 yards and 10 tds.
Quarterback – Jessie Spanos
Honestly, Jessie Spanos is the smartest chick I know. Real, Fake, Celebrity, Regular Person. Smartest hands down. You know how coaches always say they want their quarterback to be an extension of them on the field? Well that’s Jessie. Full control of the offense. Audibles at the line. Understands the system I’ve implemented. I have full trust in Jessie
Anyone I missed? Leave your team in the comments.
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