Barstool’s Guide to Champions League Semi #1
Sam’s Champions League Preview (Semi #1)
If your initial thought upon clicking the link to this story was “That’s Borussia Dortmund you big dumb idiot” then (a) you must be new around here – welcome! – and (b) your appreciation for the beautiful game has brought you to the right place if you like soccer and/or money.
Anyway, no need for me to try to sell you on watching the games today and tomorrow because if you have two eyes, a brain and a pulse but aren’t watching then its high time your family pulled the plug on whatever mechanized ventilation system is keeping you alive.
So let’s get right to the good stuff…
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CHAMPIONS LEAGUE
The best 77 clubs in Europe (as of last season anyway) have now been whittled down to the final four and – GASP – wouldn’t you know it, there ain’t a lot of surprises.
In fact, taking a look back at the four semi-finalists from the past decade, the most obvious conclusion to be drawn (apart from Barcelona’s consistent dominance) is that Champions League is the ultimate “No poor people allowed” club:
2006: Arsenal, Barça, Villareal, Milan
2007: Liverpool, Milan, United, Chelsea
2008: Liverpool, Barça, United, Chelsea
2009: Arsenal, Barça, United, Chelsea
2010: Inter, Barça, Bayern, Lyon
2011: Real, Barça, United, Schalke
2012: Real, Barça, Bayern, Chelsea
2013: Real, Barça, Bayern, Dortmund
2014: Real, Atletico, Bayern, Chelsea
2015: Real, Barça, Bayern, Juventus
As for this week’s games, the schedule looks like this:
It’s funny to call a game involving Juventus and Real Madrid an appetizer, but it’s tough not to think of it as just that. Fact is that – at full strength – Barcelona and Bayern have proven themselves to be the two best teams in the world this year (aside from the Montreal Impact), and seeing those two face off at a neutral site would have been the stuff of which wet dreams are made. But thanks to UEFA’s “blind” draw (and injuries to half of Bayern’s squad) this is what we’ve got, so let’s make the best of it.
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PICK OF THE DAY
Juventus (+175)
Real Madrid (+155)
Draw (+235)
Some of the best teams in the world, both in relatively good form, playing on the biggest stage means we are in for some fantastically entertaining soccer, right???
Yep, nope**.
My more sure-fire prediction is that this game is going to be a tepid affair likely characterized by Juve, desperate not to concede an away goal, will likely strangle as much joy out of it as possible. Particularly given the likely absence of Paul Pogba in the middle of the field, not to mention the tendency for clubs to play tight, compact, conservative soccer in the first leg, means the Italians will likely be content doing just that.
Just like it did against Atletico in the first leg of the quarterfinal, Real is likely to come out and try to give it a go for a while. Assuming Juve weather the early storm though, my guess is they will also be content to head back to the Bernabeu with it all still to play for. This could easily end up finishing 0-0 but because I am not that much of a killjoy I’m going with 1-1 draw (with – bonus prop bet for those feeling frisky – goals from Carlos Tevez and Ronaldo).
**predicting a boring game is the only sure-fire way to ensure an entertaining game… you’re welcome.
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So there we have it. Nice and short just like your last sexual experience, only this time you’re making money instead of paying for it. I’ll be back to bother y’all mañana with a preview of Barça-Bayern.
One for the road
Holler,
Samuel J. Army