7th Grader Wins National Cursive Award With Some Of The Worst Cursive I Have Ever Seen

ST. LOUIS, MO. (KTVI) – Lauren Ferrari has a lot of character when it comes to cursive. ‘L is my favorite letter,’ says Lauren Ferrari.  ‘I like how fluent it is and I just love to write it.’ Ferrari is the Lamborghini of letter writing. In fact, she’s the best seventh grader in the entire country.‘We make a big deal out of writing thank you notes and writing notes to each other and I think it all fell in line with that,’ says Lauren`s mom Kathleen Ferrari. From the time she was an infant, the writing was on the wall when it came to her ability. I’m really interested in art and writing and English,’ says the national handwriting champion.  ‘So I think that all kind of plays a big part in how I write.’

Her right stuff shows that the fountain pen is still a foundational skill needed in modern times. ‘It’s not a dying art,’ says Linda Carron, the Zaner Blouser Contest Representative.  ‘It’s coming back because they have to be able to read cursive writing if they want to read the Declaration of Independence.’ More than 285-thousand students entered the Zaner-Blouser handwriting contest. They were judged on how well they wrote a sentence that uses every letter of the alphabet.‘Research has shown that it stimulates the brain,’ says Holy Infant Principal. Sister Rosario Delaney. ‘I think it’s one of the most important things they can do because they find their voice through writing,’ says teacher Debbie St. Louis whose real last name is St. Louis.  ‘They find out what’s important to them.’‘It’s important because you can express yourself and you can really make a good impression on others through your handwriting,’ says Ferrari.  ‘You can come off very well spoken.’



I love these people trying to convince the world that cursive is some magical way of communicating, threatening me that I won’t be able to read the Declaration of Independence and that I’ll be some ignorant boob if I can’t write in squiggly lines. Get the fuck out of here with that shit. Cursive could be the single most useless skill I and just about everyone has. You learned it in 3rd grade. You used it for a couple of essays and for your signature and that was it. Done. I haven’t written a cursive word in probably 15 years and my life has been negatively effected by this fact zero point zero percent. And if we’re being honest here this is exactly why America is behind in the world. Little Chinese kids are learning how to build nuclear weapons when they’re 5 years old and all we have is a lesson in how to write like a pussy. Cursive hasn’t gotten me out of any jams in my life. I owe cursive nothing.


Now, as for this chick. Her cursive sucks. Its been 15 years since I’ve been in elementary school and I took her to the woodshed. Complete and utter domination. Must suck for Lauren knowing her best can’t touch my worst.




About halfway through I realized I don’t even know how to write cursive. I just write normal letters and connect them at the bottom. Whoops.


Oh and as for favorite cursive letter. How do you not go Capital G? So Beast.


What’s your favorite letter. Vote 1 for A, 1.2 for B, 1.4 for C etc etc.


1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (240 votes, average: 6.06 out of 10)




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