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Wait. Mark Davis is Thinking About "Rebranding" the Raiders?

Mark Davis

Raiders WireThe Oakland Raiders have had one foot out of the door of Oakland for years. But Saturday morning the team confirmed it will file relocation papers to move the franchise to Las Vegas. …

As for the Raiders possibly rebranding the team’s logo and name, both remain in play.

No. NO! A thousand times no.

I’ve never been to a protest before because I’m not much of a joiner, it seems like a lot of work and I never really cared about anything enough to get off my couch. I swear to you with tears in my eyes that if Mark Davis changes a thing about the Raiders other than the city they play in, I am marching on Vegas and poop will be thrown.

And make no mistake, my whole life I have despised the Raiders. Jack Tatum’s kill shot on Daryl Stingley in a preseason game that left him paralyzed for life. Tatum subsequently cashing in on it by writing a book called “Call Me Assassin” (in an ironic twist, diabetes later cost him the use of his legs and he is currently spending eternity being raped by Satan). The playoff game when I was a kid that the referees stole from the Patriots, which if I was Batman, that would be my parents getting killed in an alley. Those Halloween-costumed losers in The Black Hole in their skull masks and studded leather shoulder pads. I’ve always hated the Raiders like I hate soiling my pants.

But dammit, I respect the brand. It stands for something. The Raiders name, the colors, the logo, they part of what makes America great. They’re are Al Davis in a track telling the NFL he’ll play in whatever damned city he wants to and they can eat a dick. They’re John Madden screaming on the sidelines, his chins and Bingo flaps flailing everywhere. They’re Jon Matuszak and Ken Stabler. Bo Jackson and Marcus Allen. They’re Jim Otto and Mike Haynes after they stole him from the Patriots who were too cheap/broke to pay the greatest corner they’ve ever had.

More than anything, they’re the single greatest clip NFL Films has ever put together, and it’s not even close. The “Autumn Wind is a Pirate” has been raising the sperm count of American men for generations now:

And what? Now Mark Davis, that little pumpkin-pie haircutted freak is going to change the name to Gamblers or Aces or Golden Knights or something and destroy all that? He might as well dig up his father’s grave and rape his corpse. And do me while he’s at it because I will not stand for it.