Twitter Just Launched Twitter Moments: Next Stop For Twitter Stock Price: The Moon

It’s been a busy 48 hours for Twitter. First they officially named Jack Dorsey CEO of the company. Not gonna lie I wasn’t a huge fan of this move. Why? Well for starters I don’t like how he is the CEO of 2 companies. I mean how does anybody have enough time in the day to run 2 billion dollar companies nevermind 1? Seriously I can barely get our toilet to work at Barstool HQ’s and this guy is the head of 2 major companies? Twitter couldn’t find a guy who only has 1 job? Plus his leather jacket beard combo is way too stylish and trendy for me. It seems like he should be drinking cappuccinos in Italy not running a company that my entire net worth is dependent on. But Wall Street seemed to like the news as Twitter had one of it’s better days in recent memory yesterday.

Onto today. Twitter just launched “Twitter Moments”. IT’S ELECTRIC! And by electric I mean I haven’t really figured out how it works yet. I think you’re supposed to be able to follow various viral events that are going on in the world and twitter will send all the relevant tweets to your timeline until the event ends. In theory it’s a great idea, but I couldn’t figure out how to make it work. I couldn’t figure out how to actually follow anything? But on the bright side while I was trying to figure it out I did run into this picture from John Claude Van Damme.

Boom! Sold! When in doubt just throw some Van Damme in people’s faces and sit back and let the money train roll in. BUY! BUY! BUY!  And yes twitter stock went from down 1 dollar to up the second they released Twitter Moments Van Damme. Somebody do me a favor and cue the music!