(Fox) — The mother of a Kansas teen who says he was suspended over refusing to take off his purse says her son was discriminated against because girls at the school are allowed to wear them, KCTV.com reports. “I don’t think everyone should be treated differently,” Skylar Davis, the teen at Anderson County Senior-Junior School, told the station. “Everyone should have the same privileges.” The school did not comment to the station’s inquiry. Davis reportedly says he was called down to the assistant principal’s office and was told to remove the colorful Vera Bradley bag draped over his shoulder. He refused—his mother told the station he had been wearing the purse since August—and says he was suspended.
First of all, Kansas gay kids are so behind the times. Vera Bradley bag, Hollister shirt and a swoop haircut? What are you, gay in 1996 bro? You deserve to be suspended just for being the worst dressed gay kid in history.
Second of all, I saw this picture in the story…
And I was like, “Whoa, he’s actually got a ton of shit in there.” I’ve always thought that men don’t need a purse because everything a guy needs can fit in his pockets. But, now that I’m thinking about it? There’s a ton of shit I want on me at all times. I’d always leave my phone in my pocket because have you ever seen a girl look for her phone in her purse? Every single time it takes no less than 5 minutes to find, like she keeps hiding it on herself or something. But aside from that? Fuck it, put it in the purse. Keep these pockets free and clear, so I can strut that ass with ease.
1. Passport Wallet – I’m always nervous my passport will fall out of my pocket and I’ll no longer be able to be a worldwide jetsetter, that gets a zip pocket.
2. Keys – I once saw “stabbing yourself in the dick with keys then getting a nutsack infection” on 1,000 ways to die. Keys must be kept at a distance, for safety reasons.
3. Skoal – To be honest, I’d probably switch it back and forth between my purse and my pocket. I’d put it in the purse when I’m sitting down, because it’s uncomfortable as shit. But when I walked around, I’d put it in my back pocket so chicks checking out my business would know I’m badass. Yeah, I’d take something out of my purse to prove my manliness. Don’t think too much about it, it makes sense.
4. Purel – I wish I had Purel with me at all times. Everyone on this planet is disgusting except me.
5. TicTacs – I love TicTacs. I never have them. Why? Because I don’t have a free pocket for them and they make too much noise. Purse!
6. Condoms – Now I’m not going to pretend these would ever get used, but the fact of the matter is that carrying condoms as a guys sucks. Either they put a ring in your wallet or you forget to put one in your pocket 99 out of 100 times you leave the house. Keep condoms in your purse and you’ll always be ready for sex. Sex with girls, don’t let the purse fool you.
7. Floss – So when my dentist says “Have you been flossing?” and I say “Oh yeah, of course” and he clearly doesn’t believe me, I can tell him to go check my purse. Why would I carry it around if I didn’t use it? Idiot.
Boom. It all makes perfect sense. Guess I’m a purse guy now.