China – Mainland scientists are increasingly confident of developing the world’s first invisibility cloak, using technology to hide objects from view and make them “disappear”. The central government has funded at least 40 research teams over the past three years to develop the idea, which until now has largely been the stuff of science fiction and fantasy novels like the Harry Potter series… The main approaches are developing materials that guide light away from an object, creating electromagnetic fields to bend light away from what one is trying to hide and copying nature to make hi-tech camouflage materials. A team led by Professor Chen Hongsheng at Zhejiang University released a video last month demonstrating a device that made fish invisible. The same technology also apparently made a cat “disappear”. The device was made of a hexagonal array of glass-like panels, which obscure the object from view by bending light around it. Other mainland teams have made similar breakthroughs.
Damn you, China! See what I’m always saying about how these guys are playing for keeps while we’re dicking around over here? We’re playing checkers and these guys are playing… Chinese checkers. We’ve got our scientists wasting their time on Mars rovers and green energy and XBox Ones, and their best and brightest are doing nothing less than making the best invention of all time a reality.
And make no mistake, one of these would be the greatest thing you could ever own. I’ve always believed that of all the superpowers you could have, invisibility would be the best by far. I mean, the practical applications of such a thing are endless. One of the few things I didn’t like about the Harry Potter series is that Harry was always using his cloak to get into the Restricted Section of the library or spy on Snape when he could’ve been watching Hermoine masturbate or shoplift the hell out of the stores in Hogsmeade. I’m telling your right now when the Chinese put these things on the market, I’m getting one and I’ll be in the Patriots meeting room, hearing Belichick’s private conversations and at Gronk’s house watching him have 3-ways with pairs of 9s faster than you can say “Mischief managed.” And I don’t care what the things cost. I’ll trade both my kids to the Chinese to go make Nikes in a sweatshop, plus throw in their college funds to boot. Now, someone better get cracking on making a working wand and a Marauder’s Map. I need them and I need yesterday. @JerryThornton1
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