» Tom Werner and Dr. Creepy Paid Some Soccer Bro 20 Million Euros After Falling For His Fake Youtube Trick Shot Video…. Barstool Sports

Tom Werner and Dr. Creepy Paid Some Soccer Bro 20 Million Euros After Falling For His Fake Youtube Trick Shot Video….

ESPN – When Off the Ball heard this week that Liverpool decided to fork out £20 million for Stewart Downing after being duped by fake YouTube footage of the winger showing off his skills, it was instantly dismissed as a huge steaming pile of codswallop. ‘Nobody can be that stupid,’ we thought. But after trawling through numerous reports we stumbled across the following quotes from Liverpool chairman Tom Werner and Off the Ball’s jaw dropped so far and so fast that we’ve had to have it wired back together by a hugely expensive orthognathic surgeon and can only drink soup through a straw for the next two months. “There was some footage of Stewart where he was, from 30 yards away, kicking a football into five different trash cans and it was brilliant,” Werner is quoted as saying in the Liverpool Echo. “[Liverpool owner] John [Henry] and I said: ‘Oh my God, this player is brilliant, we’ve got to figure out a way to make a deal with him’.” It was only later that Werner and Henry realised the footage had been digitally enhanced as part of a campaign to boost season ticket sales at Downing’s then club Aston Villa. Since moving to Anfield in the summer, Downing has scored no goals and provided zero assists in 22 Premier League games.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry about this. I mean this may be the funniest story I’ve ever heard in my life, but these are also the morons who run the Red Sox. And people wonder how the One Eyed Bandit consolidated power, got prima nocte with Linda Pizzuti and wrestled control away from everybody else? He’s the only one who isn’t an idiot. It must have been like taking candy from a baby. More importantly if you don’t think I’m making a batting practice video of me launching 500 foot HR’s and throwing 110 miles per hour you’re nuts. Actually fuck that. I’ll just email them a clip of Steve Nebraska from The Scout and say it’s me. Cha Ching! See ya later blogging….

PS – No chance the One Eyed Bandit didn’t leak this story….

Double PS – The smooth/hip cat John Henry from Moneyball would have never made this mistake. But of course that was the worst representation of a person in the history of cinema.

By elpresidente posted February 2nd, 2012 at 11:40 AM

30 Responses to Tom Werner and Dr. Creepy Paid Some Soccer Bro 20 Million Euros After Falling For His Fake Youtube Trick Shot Video….

by christosterone on February 2nd, 2012 at 11:46 AM

Why are you talking about soccer? Nobody cares!!!
by jakeh2112 on February 2nd, 2012 at 11:49 AM

Thanks Pres. I'm gonna go in the corner and cry now. This can't be real. None of it. Please God, wake me up.
by mags on February 2nd, 2012 at 11:53 AM

Ya, its like 26 million US Dollars
by mctrippy on February 2nd, 2012 at 11:55 AM

i wonder if crispin glover was even approached for the john henry Moneyball role.
by Kay Jewelers on February 2nd, 2012 at 11:57 AM

soxfan822 - my sarcasm button is broke. Please tell me that was a joke.
by bigjohnstud on February 2nd, 2012 at 11:57 AM

This story isn't true and it's at least a month old. Kenny Daglish knew who Downing was before signing him.....Not that I expect you'd know anyting about the Premier League
by darklighter on February 2nd, 2012 at 11:59 AM

This is just like the time they got codswalloped by Daisuke Matsuzaka and his gyro ball. Damn you Stewart Downing! DAMN YOU!!!!
by logjammin520 on February 2nd, 2012 at 12:01 PM

They should have watched the same promotional video for James Milner and realized how fucking stupid they are. Milner walks away from each kick (off the cross bar and back into the garbage cans) with more certainty and confidence than i have in myself with regards to if im gonna gerk it before i go to sleep or not
by DooBAH on February 2nd, 2012 at 12:02 PM

What's with the drive-by BK Onion Rings questionairre, Dave? The FUCK?! (Did anyone else get that, or was it just me?)
by collateral on February 2nd, 2012 at 12:08 PM

£ means pounds, not euros. And the player doesn't get the cash, his club does
by Boston_George on February 2nd, 2012 at 12:08 PM

Stewart Downing is the most soccer sounding name ever.
by mel gibson on February 2nd, 2012 at 12:09 PM

Gyro Ball!!! i hate these guys, Sox need new owners and they needed them yesterday
by Kay Jewelers on February 2nd, 2012 at 12:17 PM

Hold the fuck up. You mean these videos arent real either? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHH-6ZQktRQ
by beernuts on February 2nd, 2012 at 12:23 PM

Yeah these owners suck...what we only waited 86 FUCKING YEARS before we won not 1 but 2 championships. An Entire generation, may be 2 never saw them win it all! Oh thats right, we could have had McCourt instead. How'd that work out? As far as im concered they get a 10 year pass through 2017.
by meriweathershelmet on February 2nd, 2012 at 12:24 PM

I hope these rich morons don't hear about Sidd Finch. I could see them easily offering 300 million for him.
by ogkush on February 2nd, 2012 at 12:38 PM

i want to agree with beernuts but it's just too fun criticizing dr. creepy.
by bojangles on February 2nd, 2012 at 12:44 PM

hey bigjohnstud, no one on here cares about faggot ass soccer except pussies like you, you sound like a queer, you must have got lost and found the wrong blog
by bigjohnstud on February 2nd, 2012 at 12:50 PM

I love barstool I just hate when they talk about european soccer, they're clueless. I'm okay with most of my fellow Americans thinking it's boring and all the players are gay. But do a little research. This story should have been blogged about 2 weeks ago. Dr. Creepy also hired Kenny Daglish to run their team witch is like hiring Bill Parcells, they're not that stupid. With that being said I hate Liverpool.
by bigjohnstud on February 2nd, 2012 at 12:50 PM

which
by atf487 on February 2nd, 2012 at 1:11 PM

well they also bought him because the convention wisdom was that he'd provide crosses to andy carroll, and there were moneyball-esque statistics that backed that up. and he's british, which is a weird requirement now for liverpool. he's fucking awful though, easily the worst of the summer signings
by nickesaskyskid on February 2nd, 2012 at 1:18 PM

I'm pretty sure Lackey's agent showed them a video of Big John striking out Ted Williams 27 times. That is the only possible way they were convinced to give him that contract....
by rex_is_a_toe-sucking_lardass on February 2nd, 2012 at 2:44 PM

i'm calling BS. no american says "brilliant", and the story quotes each of them saying it separately. I'd believe it more if Werner said "We seen 'im and we was gobsmacked. That bloke knows 'is onions, so's I says to Creepy I says, "give him a bell and see if he's horses for courses. If he am, it's Bob's your Uncle!"
by Latarian Milton on February 2nd, 2012 at 3:01 PM

Rumor has it, they are about to sign Mr. Perfect to hit cleanup instead of signing Big Papi.
by irollkevinfaulksblunts on February 2nd, 2012 at 3:12 PM

liverpool are scum
by DoyleBrunsonsSaggySack on February 2nd, 2012 at 4:43 PM

No reason not to believe this. They did the same thing with J.D. Drew.
by soxfan822 on February 2nd, 2012 at 4:50 PM

Is 20mill euros alot?
by daddydollars74 on February 2nd, 2012 at 5:05 PM

Check out this hardo bigjohnstud, insulting others for not being up to date with the Premier league..get real dawg
by soxfan822 on February 2nd, 2012 at 5:18 PM

Sarcasm...
by Harry Johnson on February 2nd, 2012 at 5:19 PM

Those dolts have fully embraced the pink hats. Might as well replace the "B" with a dollar sign.
by shuckembucky on February 3rd, 2012 at 5:16 AM

i wish the red sox were actually run by moneyball john henry. that man is suave as the dos equis guy.