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Should People Who Serve Non Crispy Bacon Be Comitted?
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I don’t think I’ve ever blogged this before which is hard to believe because all things considered it is probably be my #1 pet peeve in life. What is the deal with restaurants and breakfast places that don’t serve crispy bacon? It’s unconscionable. It’s like spitting right in your patron’s faces. I mean there is nobody on god’s green earth who likes floppy bacon right? I literally can’t eat it if it’s not crispy. This isn’t like a personal preference thing. This is an everybody in the world type thing. Yet time and again I’ll get bacon that isn’t well done. It makes no sense. It’s not like it’s hard to crisp it. Just cook it for 1 minute longer. That’s what makes it so maddening. There is literally no excuse for it except you are trying to be an asshole. I honestly think serving it not crispy should be a criminal offense. That’s how easy it is to do. It’s time to take back the night.
By elpresidente posted August 30th, 2012 at 1:44 PM
Top 2 Comments
47 comments Sort by Popularity Sort by Date
1. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by jackofspades on August 30, 2012 at 1:47 pm
  I like my bacon semi chewy...burnt to shit you might as well just eat a stick
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  by jackofspades on August 30, 2012 at 1:47 pm
  oh yeah and you're a bad Jew #1
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  by elbaldspot on August 30, 2012 at 1:49 pm
  I thought Jews couldn't eat pig?
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  by Numero Two on August 30, 2012 at 1:50 pm
  We have no leverage. Every place knows that people are going to eat bacon if its in front of them no matter what. Shit, I'll eat bacon cold if its pre-cooked.
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  by wilburham on August 30, 2012 at 1:53 pm
  when I was a kid I wentt to a friends house and they served like barley cooked bacon, I was so disgusted that Iwas never friends with that kid agina
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  by tico24 on August 30, 2012 at 1:54 pm
  maple syrup on bacon = fire and yea pigs are unkosher jews are weirdos
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  by johnnymanchuk on August 30, 2012 at 1:54 pm
  solid blog title, jew
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  by rbudddwyer on August 30, 2012 at 1:55 pm
  he likes his bacon crispy, just like his great grandmother ended up.
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  by pitcher24 on August 30, 2012 at 1:55 pm
  I don't know which is worse, soggy bacon or turkey bacon.
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  by menotknow on August 30, 2012 at 1:57 pm
  non crispy= half raw.
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  by cantgetthestinkout on August 30, 2012 at 1:57 pm
  Bacon, or as the First Lady calls it, "the widow maker." You need to switch to turkey bacon, and you needed to do it yesterday.
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12. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by YESisfubar on August 30, 2012 at 1:58 pm
  i dont dig on swine. filthy animals.
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  by fishmonger on August 30, 2012 at 1:58 pm
  Yeah, let's burn it to get rid of all the flavor. Chewy is where it's at, just the edges should be crisp
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14. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by menotknow on August 30, 2012 at 1:59 pm
  The real debate is microwave vs pan fryed.
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  by stro on August 30, 2012 at 1:59 pm
  Try: Stuffed breaded chicken with bacon, fresh mozzarella, onions, and peppers. It's why I've accepted I'm powerless to women. Food and sex is kryptonite.
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  by carlsweetchuck on August 30, 2012 at 2:01 pm
  You need bacon like you need less hair.
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  by YESisfubar on August 30, 2012 at 2:02 pm
  @thewomb FTW
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  by dixon sider on August 30, 2012 at 2:04 pm
  @rbudddwyer: #54
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  by joepesci on August 30, 2012 at 2:05 pm
  Worst. Blog. Ever.
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20. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by joepesci on August 30, 2012 at 2:05 pm
  and thats a fact you don't have to look up, you guys.
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21. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by sircrunkalot on August 30, 2012 at 2:07 pm
  Bacon is bacon. Preferably thick cut. However, pork belly= king of pork products
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  by dixon sider on August 30, 2012 at 2:12 pm
  ^^^Not hoovering up every penny and nickel he sees on the sidewalk with his cavernous hook schnoz.
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  by randyrandall on August 30, 2012 at 2:13 pm
  the picture of that bacon looks like lindsay lohan's labia
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  by phil leotardo on August 30, 2012 at 2:16 pm
  bacon and jews, both best nice and crispy
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  by ironmac12 on August 30, 2012 at 2:29 pm
  You need a class in Baconomics, you goddamn herb. Your taste buds are Super-Jewish.
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  by otwisted on August 30, 2012 at 2:33 pm
  I cook my bacon in the oven and I give each strip it's own Jewish name.
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  by shittingsideways on August 30, 2012 at 2:33 pm
  Crispy bacon is like getting a filet cooked well done. Fat is what almost flavor comes from in meat. It should be cooked, but the ends a little raw. meknotknow - microved vs cooked in a pan? you should have taken pageviews' grandparents' place in the ovens
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28. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by financebroskegs on August 30, 2012 at 2:37 pm
  preach.
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29. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by Evil One on August 30, 2012 at 2:59 pm
  heat oven to 375 spread 1lb of delicious bacon on cookie sheet Flip it after 5-10 mins, kepp eye on it after flip (the other side cooks quick)devour all that bacony goodness(if you still cook bacon in a pan you're a homosexual bedwetter)
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  by beatstains on August 30, 2012 at 3:20 pm
  you're fuckin awesome wilburham!
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31. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by klusk66 on August 30, 2012 at 3:22 pm
  I was gonna have some lame ass story about being on tour recently in Sicily and the bacon being so raw that the effin pig winked at me and rolled over in the pan. But then I realized I just can't beat the crispy jew entries in this comments thread. Well played gentlemen, well played. Thanks for the laugh. HAHA.
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32. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by thekman on August 30, 2012 at 3:25 pm
  shittingsideways nailed it. Crispy on the edges but not burnt to a crisp is the way to go.
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33. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by sbritton20 on August 30, 2012 at 4:36 pm
  Fuck crispy bacon, I like to be able to chew on that shit with some flavor
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34. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by menotknow on August 30, 2012 at 4:44 pm
  shittingsideways got dick worms from neil eating undercooked bacon. Microwaved is the only way to get it crispy without burning.
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35. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by scottbaio on August 30, 2012 at 5:46 pm
  Over/under on Jew comments. 54.Well played pageviews
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36. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by snapbacks and chin straps on August 30, 2012 at 5:49 pm
  Quit being such a goddamn Jew #2
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37. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by yazman on August 30, 2012 at 5:51 pm
  Not crispy a criminal offense? Listen, bacon is like pussy - even bad bacon is better than no bacon at all. But given your sexual tendencies, I understand how you simply just don't get it.
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38. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by dewittt on August 30, 2012 at 5:55 pm
  Comitted? Really?
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39. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by thewombshifter on August 30, 2012 at 5:57 pm
  Wilburham- great story, thanks
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40. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by scottbaio on August 30, 2012 at 6:07 pm
  Things Dave sucks at:Being a Jew Designing a decent T Shirt Satisfying his wife in any capacity Hiring Chicago writers Talking to college girls without creeping them out Not being ugly
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41. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by 413sFinest on August 30, 2012 at 6:31 pm
  Cantgetthestinkout you're an idiot. There is nothing unhealthy about bacon. Your wife is dumb as a rock
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  by herczanzibar on August 30, 2012 at 7:15 pm
  Listening to what a jew has to say about bacon is like listening to a chick talk about sports.
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43. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by schrute farms on August 30, 2012 at 7:41 pm
  "Crispy bacon" = over cooked bacon. It's just like any other meat, if it's fucking charred it's shit.
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  by qthaduckboats on August 30, 2012 at 11:18 pm
  Crispy bacon is burnt bacon, that's why restaurants don't serve it you fucking moron. Its all fat, it needs to be somewhat tender to be delicious. Only a dumb fucking jew would complain abiut his bacon not being burnt enough.
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45. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by qthaduckboats on August 30, 2012 at 11:21 pm
  And Evil One THANK YOU. I fucking want to bitch slap people when they act surprised that I cook my bacon in the oven. Frying pans are for poor people and animals. I have specific rules with my bacon: Applewood smoked, only. Thick cut. If that shit is oscar mayer, get it the fuck out and don't ever mention bacon to me again. And it cannot be crispy.
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46. Thumbs Up Thumbs Down
  by stamkos on August 31, 2012 at 2:29 am
  Might be the best comment section of the year
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  by beantown256 on August 31, 2012 at 8:58 am
  @qthaduckboats...you stole pretty much all the words right out of my mouth. Spot on.
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