NY Daily News, PARADISE ISLAND, Bahamas — Finally, Jet fans can see exactly why Rex Ryan stuck with Mark Sanchez. Ryan, vacationing in the Bahamas days after his Jets limped to a 6-10 season finish, sported a Rex-rated tattoo on his right bicep, featuring his wife, Michelle, wearing Sanchez’s No. 6 jersey — and nothing else. As the Jets organization reeled back home, Ryan spent most of Thursday afternoon poolside at the exclusive Cove Atlantis resort… On the coach’s right arm were two tats — one featuring a shamrock and the names of his wife and children, Payton and Seth; and one showing a sexy Michelle wearing a Sanchez uniform top and eying the viewer with bedroom eyes… Ryan cursed out a News reporter who approached the controversial coach. “Oh, s—,” Ryan said, waving off the reporter and storming away with his wife.
There’s plenty to ridicule Rex Ryan about (and God knows I’ve tried to cover them all). For starters, real football coaches stand and face the music. Being head coach is like being a general or president or something. Only much more important. When times are tough and the papers can’t say your name without using the word “embattled,” that’s when you show what you’re made of. That’s when you stand up, look the world in the eye and take the heat like a man. You don’t go running off to some place the Beach Boys mentioned in “Kokomo” and hide like a coward. In violation of NFL rules, I might add, which require a head coach has to be available for questions after the season ends. I mean, can you imagine Bill Belichick, after Ryan beat him in Gillette in the 2011 playoffs, pussying out and going into hiding like this? Christ, they’d be calling for Senate investigations into it and giving it a name like “BahamasGate” or something.
But in general, I don’t have a problem with the tattoo. First of all because when you’ve got a wife as Cougariffic as Michelle Ryan, there’s no shame in flaunting it. Shrex completely outkicked his coverage with this little Dangerette and you can’t blame him for spiking the ball. And besides, it’s combining my two favorite things: sex and football, no different than when Costanza started bringing sandwiches into bed with him. If you think I haven’t tried to talk My Irish Rose into getting a Brady tramp stamp or wear a grey hoodie to bed… “Some things you did well. Some areas we need to improve in all 3 phases…” you’re kidding yourself. No, my only problem is with the Sanchez jersey. Why the hell would you ever have someone ink you a tat of your hot naked wife wearing the shirt of the guy who ruined your coaching career? Does it make a statement? Is it symbolic of something? Like “These are the two people who’ve fucked me”? Maybe he’s a glutton for punishment and this is some kind of S&M thing? It boggles the mind. But it proves once again what I’ve been saying for months now: Rex Ryan needs to be the Jets coach for life. I need this crazy pervert. He completes me. He is the NFL coaching equivalent of the Jelly of the Month Club, the gift that keeps giving the whole year.
Editor’s Note – I agree with KFC that this is fake. This is Rex and the Jets doing what Rex and the Jets do. Get killed on the field and then dominate on Page 6 just how they like it.