Theres some twitter account at BU called BUPoops putting on a march madness of shit. Whoever is writing these matchup breakdowns really knows what they’re talking about.
Poop Madness – The opening match of poop madness pits a modern juggernaut against a classic source of digestive trauma. When it gets down to it, this bracket is about one thing, and one thing only: regret. Which food do you regret eating the most when the time to pass comes? When the food is warming up in your digestive locker room, which one do you fear battling the most? Which food makes you beg for a mercy rule, or leaves you hoping not to run through an entire roll of toilet paper? Enough of the theatrics, let’s get into it:
Gonna be honest here, wings are a pretty big underdog. That said, show me a man who says that he never regretted eating too many wings and I’ll show you a god damn liar. Everyone has too many at some point and you can’t do anything but shake your head as the fiery sauce makes its exit. At my worst, I once had to soldier crawl to the bathroom the morning after a wing binge because of the havoc they wrought on my intestines. One of the lowest points of my life presented by this tournaments lowest seed. Buffalo wings ain’t no slouch and they’ll battle until the end.
All that being said, Chipotle is to pooping what UCLA was to NCAA basketball during the Wizard of Westwood years. It’s an institution built on the pillars of “never solid” and “always burns.” When South Park’s describes your calling card as a trail of bloody excrement on undergarments, then you’ve probably earned a number one seed and a chance to dance in the stool-ite 8, and that’s before bringing up their hot salsa.
Poop Madness bitches! Poop Madness! If I’m being honest this is really the only time I care about college poops. Like maybe I’ll tune in here and there during the regular poop season, but it’s just not as fun or exciting when there’s no bracket involved. And it looks like this year’s tourney has some decent match-ups so we should expect an all around enjoyable shitfest.
That Chipotle/Buffalo wing first round matchup is huge. Chipotle is the obvious powerhouse in the whole thing, but don’t sleep on street hotdogs. You go to the wrong cart and those things will put you in a world of pain. One time I ate like three after a Sox game and had to get off the green line way before my stop and run around downtown Wellesley looking for a bathroom. Street meat can be a sneaky motherfucker. And I think we can all agree that the burgers and chicken fingers will be no-shows. They really have no business being in the same toilet as chili or refried beans.
So if you’re a degenerate gambler and are looking to officially hit rock bottom then you can literally start betting on shit. It’s good to know BU is doing something besides being Asian and losing to Northeastern these days.