Gronk, I love ya. You know that. But there’s no way I’m letting you on the cover of Madden 2013. Just no fucking way. As hard as you campaign to get on the cover, I will campaign against you 10 times harder. Bro, you ever heard of Peyton Hillis? Michael Vick? Donovan McNabb, Marshall Faulk, Vince Young. If I know one thing it’s that the Madden Curse is real, and the Pats cannot risk you having an awful season. So you see it’s a compliment that I don’t want you to get this. I’m doing it for your own good. If you landed the cover that ankle would never heal, and you’d end up catching an STD from a young startlet before you inevitably end your career injuring your back on a Bledsoe-esque stage dive.
Vote anybody else for the Madden ’13 cover.
PS – love the Zubaz. Gronk on.