Time to reload the Miltons machine. Send all sob stories to email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.
This Week’s Contestant
Here’s my best friend dibsy: engineer, chain smoker, gambling addict, Busch Light afficionado, mathematical genius. He’s the pride of UMass; skips every class but still pulls a 3.0 in the school’s toughest major. As you could predict, he hasn’t purchased a clothing item in the last year except for a hanes sweatshirt/sweatpants combo pack at Walmart. Dibsy’s favorite outfit is a UMass intramural championship t-shirt that he stole from his friend and cut the sleeves off. Everything he owns smells like American Spirits, his room is littered with empty tins, dirty boxers, and math equations. Dibsy has gone through Agganis Driving School three times, but he’s going to be building America’s bridges someday. Let’s light a fire under his ass with a new suit. Dibsy’s really a great kid; plus, we need to get some sleeves on those noodle arms.