Time to reload the Miltons machine. Send all sob stories to email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.
This is my good friend Pat aka Patty Carbs aka P. aka That Champagne Kid. (All nicknames he has given himself) He is one of the nicest kids I know but people just find him to be a complete dick. He is funny 99% of the time because he is always willing to do dumb shit. He means well but just doesn’t really know how to act in front of people. He is always depressed about life and I actually think he may commit if he wakes up tomorrow and finds himself on Barstool. One of his sayings is, “I am not going to try and get with a girl because I know they will only want me once I am filthy rich.” He has never had a girlfriend and I think his wardrobe has something to do with it.
I know he may have a lot of competition but please Prez he needs the help. He is 21 and still hasn’t had a girlfriend or even come close to it. His longest hook up has been at a bar with a girl who he lied to about being rich. I beg you please Pimp Pat he deserves it and when you do please provide him with a Hardo hat which he has always wanted.
Viva La Stool,