Listen I don’t know what the fuck these shorts are called. Are they hippy shorts? Are they 80’s shorts? Are they EDM shorts? I honestly don’t know. The only thing I know for sure is I feel it in my plums everytime a chick wears a pair of these. Like I haven’t been this excited about an article of chick clothing since the days of the Herve Ledger dress. I can’t get enough of them. Rape culture city. I’m in love with these shorts and all the sluts who wear em. Now I know what you’re thinking. Hey Pres don’t stop there. Tell us all your thoughts on chick clothing. Fine. Without further ado here are my chick clothes power rankings right now.
10. Shirt that shows side boob
I’m not sure what the official name of this shirt is. I feel like it first made the scene a couple years ago. It was like somebody from Florida seeing snow for the first time. Complete amazement. Kind of gotten stale though. Maybe if I was a boob guy I’d like it more? I mean it’s hot but kind of loses it’s luster when tons of chicks have it.
9. Mini Skirt
Never been a huge fan of the mini skirt. I feel like it never gives enough ass definition. Like If you’re gonna dress like a ho finds something that is skankier/sexier than this.
8. Yoga Pants
Listen I’m not a homo. I love yoga pants as much as the next guy. I love looking at chicks asses. But yoga pants is the new sweatpants. Just means a chick isn’t trying. They still made this list, but I’m not as in love with yoga pants as the rest of the world
7. Hooker Boots
I feel like this is the female equivalent of grabbing me by my cock and forcibly shoving my dick into your vagina. Just so overtly sexual. Hi I’m Maria Stephanos and I’m a sex kitten.
A chick in a great pair of jeans is as American as apple pie. Jeans may be out for dudes, but they’ll never be out for girls.
I have a theory on why guys love sundresses so much. It brings back the innocence of it all. It’s like Field of Dreams. You can put the dirtiest whore in a pretty sundress with the sun hitting just right and a sunflower in her hair and you’d swear she’s a virgin that needs to be deflowered. It’s all psychological bro. Freud. Ever heard of him?
Just screams America and loves to fuck. Like I love everything on this list but I will never specifically say I like anything more than a chick in Daisy Dukes. Won’t do it. Too much respect for the game. Might as well burn the flag.
#3 Herve Ledger/Tight Dress
I’m still one of those old fashioned guys who think nothing is sexier than a girl in a hot dress. Like when I watch porn I want to see the chick dressed nice to begin with before she gets defiled. Some may say it’s the romantic in me.
SIDENOTE – I’m including all tight short dresses in this category. I’m seeing more and more of these tight form fitting dick wrecking dresses. Love em. All time favorite.
#2 White Pants/White shorts/White Anything
White puts asses in the seats period. Not sure if it’s again with the innocence and deflowering thing. Don’t care. Don’t think just throw.
#1. Hippy Shorts But Not
Maybe these are #1 because it’s what prompted this blog. Maybe it’s number 1 because they are still kind of new. Whatever the case may be these things just do it for me right now. If any chicks look hot as fuck in them feel free to send me pictures so I can be weird.