Everyone has that one friend who’s an incredible douchebag. You don’t even like him but you tolerate him. And when friends from different circles ask about him you always say, “He’s really not that bad a guy. He just never got an ass kicking when he was a kid. Never got told no then had it forced upon him.” Lebron is that friend. No one kicked his ass. No one said no. So now he’s surrounded by a gaggle of yes men who just tell him whatever he thinks is a great idea. Want to hold an ESPN mega special to announce you’re taking your talents to South Beach? Great idea bro, do it! You should definitely always dress like a dickhead and get a “Chosen One” tattoo across your back! Oh you want to be a rapper now? Kid you already won 2 championships, can’t get much better than that. Spit that verse, son! To think all it would have taken was one person to push him off the swingset and punch him in the nose and we may not be in this situation.
But you know what sucks the most? This rap is the perfect metaphor for Lebron to me right now. I know I’m supposed to hate it, I know that. But I just don’t. I want to, but I can’t.