Barstool Sports

El Paso – A man who lives inside of a cave in El Paso, Texas bristles at the notion that he’s scaring nearby residents. But a group of hikers told KVIA on Sunday that the man, who declined to give his name, jumped out of his cave naked and chased them away from the makeshift abode in McKelligon Canyon. “If that’s true where’s the pictures?” the man said when confronted with the allegation. Neighbors told KVIA that they’ve spotted the man bathing in the laundry room of their apartment complex and working out at a nearby jungle gym. ”They need to worry about their own selves and repent and help the community more,” the man said in response to neighborhood complaints.

First of all how big of a hardo was that anchor pronouncing this reporters name?  What was it?  Geraldo Najeraoaiodia?   Anyway are hikers the biggest assholes on the planet? They very well might be. Like they hike up into the mountains trying to get a glimpse of nature and experience the wildlife and when they find one little naked cave man they freak out and run away. Hey guys, that’s fucking nature right there. It doesn’t get any more earthy crunchy than a cave man fermenting snakes and walking around naked. I mean cave men are pretty rare these days. You should feel honored that you happened upon one during your hike.

And this cave man really hit the nail on the head with his “where’s the pictures?” line. Got no pictures then it never happened, that’s what I always say. Maybe if you weren’t so busy running away like a little bitch then you could prove he was in his birthday suit. But you can’t. Cock pics or no dice.

Editors Note

Only people who grew up in Swampscott will understand this but whatever happened to that guy who lived in the cave and terrorized people above the Little League Field?  I mean that wasn’t an urban legend right?   A crazy person lived up there for sure.   That’s just a known fact.   Does he still live in the LF woods?   He must right?