(Guardian) - Eve Hobsbawm is a London-based life counsellor. Make contact through her website – EveProblemSolver.com – and for a small fee she will send you helpful advice. Two weeks ago, I got in touch: I had lost my keys, and was panicking about what to cook my friends. But I also couldn’t work out how Eve manages to run a business while attending school – since she is just eight years old. At first she wasn’t sure what kind of company she wanted. “Then it just popped into my head: problem solving.” It all started in December, when Eve was seven. “The first person I exchanged business cards with said her husband was really annoying. So I said: ‘It all cancels out. You might do stuff to him that’s also really annoying.’ She was really impressed.” Eve has consulted on roughly 40 dilemmas, with payments ranging from 10p to £5. Is she any good? I’d say so. Eve suggested my keys were in the hall – and they were – and recommended spaghetti as a quick and easy meal, which it was. All for £2.
I can’t get a read on this girl. I want to guarantee that her dad is driving around with a “My Kid is an Honor Roll Student” bumper sticker and say she’s actually worthless. But the proof is in the pudding, right? This dude couldn’t find his keys and if it weren’t for Eve suggesting he check the hallway he probably never would have left his house ever again. That’s fucking problem solving. Yeah you might think that 8 year olds don’t have real world knowledge. You might think it’s absurd for a child to be spouting love advice when her greatest problem is whether Tommy is gonna hold her hand at recess. Yet at the same time she hit the nail on the head saving that marriage. Your husband annoys you? Well, I bet you’re annoying too. Crisis averted! Miss Evie Mouse just saved that guy 50% of his net worth by letting his wife know that she’s an annoying cunt. So I can poke fun all I want, but Eve will laugh all the way to the bank. Rolling around in 10 pence as she calls Richie Rich a poor faggot.