LAKEWOOD — A naked man riding a tricycle was arrested and charged with being under the influence of cocaine Tuesday evening, police said. Jermaine Jones, a 31-year-old from Trenton, was found naked under a stairwell, chewing glass and cigarette tobacco, said Sgt. Greg Staffordsmith of the Lakewood police. Police received a call about the man on the tricycle riding throughout the Crossroads Apartments complex at 6:30 p.m., said Staffordsmith.
Anyone who calls this guy deranged clearly never took Adderall in college. Once you get an amphetamine in your system you’ll literally chew on anything. You basically turn into PacMan, just walk around looking for something to chomp on. I’d sit in my room hammering on my computer for hours and chew gum, dip, seeds, my own lip, anything really. If it wasn’t for those things I’d have chucked my desk like a woodchuck. Only difference between me and Jermaine is that I did it sitting in my dorm and he did it while riding a tricycle around naked, like the Saw guy but scarier.
PS – One time when I was like 16 I couldn’t get anyone to sell me dip so I bummed a cigarette off someone and tried to chew cigarette tobacco. That does not work, just so you know. It does not work at all.