WASHINGTON _ Taliban beware. Boston is after you. Or at least four of its native sons will soon be in charge of the US-led war against you. That’s right, by our count four of the top generals running the war in Afghanistan are all about to hail from the Bay State. At the top is Marine Corps General Joseph Dunford, born in South Boston, raised in Quincy and a graduate of Boston College High School. In February, Dunford took command of the 100,000 international troops — 68,000 of them American — who are trying to stabilize the war-torn nation and prepare Afghan security forces to take over the fight. Just under him will soon be Army Lieutenant General Mark Milley, a native of Winchester, who is commander of the Army’s III Corps in Fort Hood, Texas, and is set to take command on April 4 of the International Security Assistance Force Joint Command in Kabul. Don’t forget Army Major General James McConnville, a Quincy native who commands the 101st Airborne Division in Fort Campbell, Kentucky, and earlier this month took over Regional Command-East, one of the deadliest regions of the country that abuts the Pakistan border. Last but not least is Army Major General Paul LaCamera, a native of Westwood, Mass., who commands the 4th Infantry Division, based at Fort Carson, Colorado, which has been operating in Afghanistan’s restive southern provinces.
I’ve never felt safer in my life. Honestly where would this country be without Boston? Well for starters we wouldn’t even be a country.. We’d still be part of Great Britain drinking Earl Grey tea like dickheads. The NFL would still be locked out. Nobody would care about baseball. The best franchise in the history of the NBA wouldn’t exist. Nobody would have heard of St. Paddy’s Day . The Internet wouldn’t be funny. MTV would lose 90% of their reality TV characters including CT. The Original Six wouldn’t be a thing. Gayballs wouldn’t be allowed to get married. There would be no American beer companies left. There would be no Fig Newtons. (they are from Newton. Look it up) Asian kids would have nowhere to go to College. Southie people wouldn’t be able to brag that they are from Southie. And most importantly we’d all be getting our shit kicked in by terrorists on the reg. Boston FTW.