MANSFIELD - Snack time is over. Saying they pose a health and safety risk to children, the school department Tuesday banned birthday cupcakes, celebratory snacks and other class-time food rewards and treats. The move had been in the works for years, and follows trends toward similar health-conscious school food policies across the country. “It’s a tough place to be in,” Superintendent Brenda Hodges said. “We don’t want to take all the fun away from our children, but we have to take some precautions.”
Of course cupcakes got banned in Mansfield. Of course they did. Can’t have cupcakes running rampant through the school system just killing people. Nope. Got to eliminate the threat. Got to put the kibosh on the cupcakes. They’ve terrorized our children for far too long being all gooey and warm and shit. No more. About time thought leaders like Brenda Hodges had the courage to step forward and stand up to these cupcake heathens. It’s a miracle this country managed to survive the last 100 years without this type of cupcake legislation. But it was like playing with fire. Something had to be done or eventually some child may get a belly ache. Tough times call for tough people to make tough decisions. So three cheers for Brenda Hodges! Here! Here!