(Orlando) — An officer responding to a call about a suspicious person at a 7-Eleven on Wednesday about 12:30 a.m. arrived to find a man holding a phone at the store. After telling the man, later identified as Daylen E. Holloman, to sit on the curb, the officer began to question him, according to an arrest affidavit from the Daytona Beach Police Department. The officer asked the man whether he had called the cops. Holloman allegedly answered “I don’t know” when the cop asked him more questions such as “How can I help you?” and “What is going on?” and “Where are you from?” and “Had any drugs or alcohol tonight?” The cop finally asked the 20-year-old Daytona Beach man, “What do you know?’ To which Hollomon replied, “I know I’m a monkey,” the affidavit stated. When Holloman told the cop to look at his shirt, the officer said, “I see your shirt and I know that you’re not a monkey, you’re human because humans wear clothes,” the officer wrote in his report. Hollomon replied “Oh really?” before beginning to strip off his clothes, looking over to the female clerk and “smiled as if it was all a joke,” according to the affidavit.
How pissed was this officer when Daylen E. Holloman took off his clothes? Shot his entire “you’re not a monkey” argument to shit. Absolutely destroyed the thing. “What do you know?” I know I’m a monkey. “Not uh, you’re wearing clothes.” Oh yea? Well how ’bout now? BAM! Birthday suit right in your face! What do you have to say to that, copper? No clothes, no proof I’m not a monkey.