DM – A Florida man urinated all over a sheriff’s patrol car after he was arrested for drunk driving last month, the Smoking Gun reports. Devin Langford, 23, was pulled over on July 10 for speeding by Deputy Brian Bell of the Indian River County Sheriff’s Office. Langford had ‘red, glassy, and bloodshot eyes’ and a ‘plethora of empty beer cans’ in his truck, so Bell had him perform a series of field sobriety tests, the officer reported. While en route to the jail, Langford told Bell that he had to urinate and Bell told him he would have to wait. ’Langford then asked if he could urinate in my car,’ Bell reported. ‘I advised Langford that if he had to urinate in my car, that I understood.’ Langford apologized repeatedly as he slid his cuffed hands underneath his legs to the front of his body. ’I'm very, very, very sorry I have to pee in the back of your car. I did not want to pee in the back of your car. Trust me,’ Langford pleaded. A few moments later, Lanford said, ‘Um, I’m gonna try and aim out the window.’ Bell told him that was not okay and that if he had to go, he should go in his pants. ’Langford proceeded to pull down his trousers, kneel on the back seat, and attempted to urinate out the rear passenger side window of my patrol vehicle, while it was in motion,’ Bell stated. But Langford misfired, and instead showered urine all over the passenger seat and floorboard of Bell’s cruiser. Once they arrived at the jail, Langford confided in Bell, ‘I might be a little drunk, but I’m not a lot of drunk.’
How about this cop telling the guy that it was cool to just piss his pants? Umm no it’s not. Peeing in your pants sucks. It’s all warm and wet and weird feeling. Thanks but no thanks, officer. There’s a perfectly good window, I think I’ll use that instead. Except pissing out windows is tricky, what with the wind and all. Never usually goes where you want it to. In this case, it sounds like it went literally everywhere except out the window. All well. Like I said, it’s a lot better than being the melvin who shows up to the police station with his pants chock full of pee.
PS – Is that Obama?