Barstool Sports

Source – A Jonesboro woman was arrested on DWI charges after police say she slammed into a mobile home then tried to leave the scene of the accident in a child’s battery-operated truck. Jamie Jeanette Craft, 29, is also charged with public intoxication, refusal to submit, disorderly conduct, leaving the scene of an accident with property damage and driving while license cancelled, suspended or revoked. Just 5:30 p.m. Sunday officers were called to 4303 Aggie Road. According to a witness, Craft was traveling at a “high rate of speed” when her 2001 Pontiac Grand Am rounded a corner and hit the under panel of his trailer. Another witness told police that Craft, who was dressed in a white sweat shirt with no pants or shoes on, began yelling at him. According to the police report, she grabbed the man’s daughter and got into his son’s Power Wheels truck. The man told police he grabbed his children and took them to his parent’s house. When he came back out he said Craft was still in the toy truck “trying to drive it.” After he and his father made her get out of the truck, the man told police she began yelling and walked to her mother’s house. That’s where police found her when they arrived. They say she was also “irate and very intoxicated.” Officer Scott Byrd administered a portable breathalyzer test to Craft. “Because she could barely stand,” he and Officer Cody Coley had to hold her shoulders “so that she would not fall over,” according to Byrd’s report. Byrd reported the PBT gave a reading of .217 blood alcohol content, which is nearly three times the legal limit.

This bitch fleeing the scene of an accident on a Power Wheels truck might be the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. No pants, no sobriety, no fucks given. 4 mph drunken getaway. Love it. The image of her steering that thing with her knees up by her face, screaming obscenities as she slowly rolls away is comedy at it’s finest. And you know because she was wasted it seemed like the greatest idea ever. Who needs to walk when you got a toy truck sitting right there? I’d have done the same thing.

Fucking Power Wheels, man. You know what was better than a Power Wheels truck when you were a kid? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Shit was so fucking boss. Used to have kindergarten pussy hanging all over that thing. Roll up to the kiddie pool and have all the younger chicks in diapers turning their heads to check out the whip. Really didn’t get any cooler than a Power Wheels back in those days.

(My 6 year old dream car)

Now all I ever get to drive is stupid regular cars. So fucking lame.