DM – He has all the riches he could ever dream for in this life. But to avoid any risk of missing out in the afterlife, wealthy entrepreneur ‘Count Scarpa’ is burying his greatest treasure – his new £310,000 Bentley convertible. In a bizarre announcement on his Facebook page the 62-year-old declared that he plans to do as the Pharaohs of Egypt did and take his riches with him when he dies by burying them. So tomorrow, he will entomb his brand new Bentley Continental worth over £310,000 to make sure he has a comfortable journey into the ‘other side’. The funeral ceremony, he promises, will be at 11am.
Has there ever been a more perfect nickname for a person than this? Count Scarpa. Guy is the ultimate Count.He’s rich, looks like a vampire, has exotic birds and hangs out in cemeteries. No one in history has been a Count like this guy is a Count. It’s flawless. It’s one of those perfect nicknames where you just totally drop your real name. Like your best friends are at your funeral and talking about the eulogy, asking each other, “Hey what was his real name, by the way? I always just knew him as Count.”
As for buying a Bentley to immediately bury and use in the afterlife? Not a boss move. Not a power move. It’s bigger than all those. It’s a Count move. What are you going to drive in the afterlife? Ever thought about that? I haven’t. Never even considered it. I’m gonna die and end up hitch hiking all the way to the Pearly Gates. Not Count Scarpa though. Homeboy is going to be whipping around in the sweet ride, driving through gutters to splash water on all of us that were too poor or stupid to come up with this idea. Classic Count, always one step ahead.
PS – Imagine this works? Honestly? Count Scarpa can’t lose here. If he dies and there’s no afterlife then he’s just dead. That’s it. But if there is an afterlife and you were supposed to bring shit? King Tut will walk up and pat him on the back like, “Fucking told you bro,” as we all look on empty handed with nothing but the shitty suit on our back.