Paulden, AZ – “I thought I was living in a free country,” says artist David Smith about a controversy brewing over his statue. Paulden, Arizona is a small and quiet community, but lately there’s been some chatter over the new guy in town: a 9-foot tall metal gargoyle with a wingspan of 13 feet. “It kind of symbolizes fire, because I work metal and fire has it’s own spirit,” Smith says. Smith just moved into the neighborhood, and he says, the day after he put up his prized possession, the county told him to take it down. “They don’t like it? Don’t look,” he says. But, it’s not the size of the whole statue that has the county up in arms; it’s the size of something else, and let’s just say it is in proportion to a 9-foot tall man. “It just seemed like it needed to be there. I don’t like Ken dolls,” Smith says. That’s right, – the sculpture is a full-frontal display of a nude male gargoyle. “It wasn’t put on there to offend anybody. That isn’t the reason. Everything has a sex,” Smith says. Smith says the statue was at his Phoenix home for six years and nobody complained: “Most people liked it.” But, some in the community say this is a huge deal, and the county agrees…saying this is no laughing matter. “The frontal nudity of the statue was offensive, and they were concerned their children walking by it,” says Steven Mauk, a Yavapai County official.
Look I already know how the comments are gonna go here, but I don’t care: I need to see this naked gargoyle’s dick. I don’t think I’ve ever been more curious about anything in my life. In fact, if you don’t want to see this metal statue’s penis then you’re so straight it’s gay. What kind of dick does a 9 foot gargoyle with a 13 foot wingspan have? Another very important question: is he hard? Feel like that makes a huge difference as far as the inappropriateness goes. If he’s hard then the public might have a point. Can’t have 9 foot statues with boners just hanging out. But if he’s flaccid then everyone is just jealous he’s a shower and not a grower. Guy’s a badass gargoyle, not a Ken doll for God’s sake.
Editor’s Note – “I Thought I was livin in a free country” may be my new favorite quote of the year. Guy is so disappointed in America it’s not even funny.
That’s it? Now I know how girls feel when they see mine. Disappointed.
thanks to GatorBeer for the pic