Some Alabama Rednecks Catch The Biggest Alligator In the History of the Universe

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CAMDEN, Alabama Mandy Stokes and husband John Stokes, brother-in-law Kevin Jenkins and his children Savannah, 16, and Parker, 14, brought a monster alligator to the check-in station at Roland Cooper State Park near Camden in Wilcox County. Wildlife and Freshwater Fisheries Biologists had no trouble measuring the beast at 15 feet even, but they had to call for some relief when trying to weigh it. “We give all the glory to God. Ten men couldn’t have done what we did,” he said. Mandy Stokes added, “If it wasn’t for the grace of God, we never could have done it. At one time during this whole thing, I honestly thought, you know what; we didn’t sign up for that.”

 

They say he’s five hundred pounds of bottom-dwelling fury. No one knows how old he is, but if you ask me (and most people do), he’s hundred years if he’s a day. One fella came close. Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel, cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red like the fires of Hell…

 

Seriously though this Gator has to be fake right? I mean no way any Gator that huge exists in real life nevermind was caught. Thing will swallow you whole. Little shakin’, little tenderizin’, an’ down you go. No wonder Alabama people can’t wait for college football to start. I guess this is what they fucking do in the off season. Gather the entire family and head into the swamps to hunt 3,000 foot long Gators. Sounds like a fucking blast. I’d love to see the stats on how many Alabama people end up eaten each season? Nothing would have made me happier than if the Gator got at least one of these idiots before getting caught. Kind of an eye for an eye. Or at least catch him without shooting him in the head. That kind of seems like cheating.

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