Shaughnessy, today - This is Andrew Luck vs. Team Luck. It’s the Man vs. the Myth. Give me the Myth. Give me Team Luck. Give me the Patriots over the Indianapolis Colts. Big time. Every time. The Patriots are ready to dance to the Waltz of the Tomato Cans straight into the AFC Championship game. And the way things go around here, it wouldn’t be a surprise to see the Chargers stun the Broncos and come to New England for the conference title… the Patriots have put themselves in position to advance to the conference championship. Again. I mean, all they have to do is beat the Indianapolis Colts? Seriously.
Wow. These are some strong words from Shank. This is the kind of thing that’s going to really get a rise out of Colts fans, coaches, players. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up getting invited on Indianapolis sports radio to explain why he’s disrespecting the team so much. It’ll probably get him some national attention too. As a matter of fa– Wait. Hold on a second. “The Patriots are lucky”? “Tomato cans”? “All they have to do is beat ___”? “I mean, seriously”? Is it me or does this sound vaguely familiar?
Shaughnessy, 366 days ago - What happened at Reliant Field Saturday was consistent with the history of the Bill Belichick Patriots ever since Walt Coleman invoked the tuck rule on that snowy Saturday in Foxborough 11 years ago. The Patriots are very good, but they are also amazingly lucky. The 2012-13 New England Patriots just became the first team in NFL history to get back-to-back byes before advancing to the conference championship game. Could this get any easier? I mean, seriously? The planets are aligned and the tomato cans are in place. The fraudulent Houston Texans are the only team standing between the New England Patriots and a trip to the AFC Championship game. All the Patriots have to do is beat the terrible Texans.
Right. That’s it. This was the piece the CHB wrote that got him so much pub that he got to go on the radio in Houston and where he backed off everything he said and admitted he doesn’t know dick about football. The one Arian Foster used as his avatar. So now he’s not only just trolling, he’s been reduced to Mad Libbing his own troll pieces. He’s just going into his Word documents and replacing “Texans” with “Colts” and boom! Instant Shaughnessy hack job. It’s funny, way back in the Bronze Age of Barstool, when Dave, Manzo, Chisholm and myself were just four crazy kids with a free bi-weekly newspaper and a dream, I wrote a piece called “Shank-o-matic,” a guide to assembling your own Dan Shaughnessy column. With tips like “1. Remember ABC: Always Begin With a Cliche’… 6. Make Yourself Part of the Story” …and so on. I have to admit I was new at the writing game and I was proud of my first attempt to expose the Curly Haired Boyfriend for the lazy, redundant, bomb-tossing hatchet man he always was. I just never thought that seven years later, the guy who’d get the most use out of it would be Shank himself. @JerryThornton1
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