Mexican Government Helps the FBI Find Tom Brady’s Stolen Jerseys

.

Pro Football TalkThe stolen Tom Brady Super Bowl jerseys were found on foreign soil. That soil apparently resides south of the border.

Via FOX 26, Houston police chief Art Acevedo said that the suspect is in Mexico. “The HPD criminal intelligence division detectives identified a suspect in Mexico,” Acevedo said. ” I’m proud to say as a result of their hard work, and with the assistance of the FBI and Mexican authorities, we believe we’ve recovered the jersey.  Further authentication is in process [of being completed].”

Acevedo added that the suspect had “legitimate access to the Super Bowl.”

There is one man on Earth happier about this than Tom Brady or me.

Donald J. Trump.

The Donald will use this to validate everything he’s been been saying throughout his whole political career. He got more blowback from suggesting that a lot of the rapists and drug dealers in the Southwest came from across the border than probably any non-pussy-grabbing statement he’s ever uttered. And now he gets to wave this bloody shirt in the face of all his detractors.

“They come here, some of them are good people but some of them are bad hombres, believe me – bad hombres, very bad. They come here to cover our Super Bowl – and it was a tremendous Super Bowl, just fantastic – and they take something that doesn’t belong to them. From my friend Tom Brady who’s just a great, great, wonderful man who did a great job. It’s sad. It’s sad. And we’re going to build a beautiful, beautiful wall and stop the flow, I promise you. …”

That said, congratulations to the FBI, to the Mexican government and to the Houston Police Department. Because even though their chief has the same name as Vic Mackey’s captain who got mouth-sodomized at gun point on The Shield, they brought two law enforcement agencies from two countries with bad relations together to recover two of America’s most valuable national treasures. Along with, according to Jay Glazer, Von Miller’s helmet from Super Bowl 50.

So while I was calling for war earlier, I’m now sort of hopeful this will help our countries come together. To show what we can accomplish in a spirit of cooperation brought about from a mutual love of Tom Brady memorabilia. That is, as soon as they extradite this little jersey-stealing bandito so we can put him on trial, followed by his execution. If Mexico refuses, then we invade. But for now, muchas gracias. Now Trump can get back to the business of fixing health care with Mr. Kraft and getting his ring back from Putin.  

@jerrythornton1

Comments Are Closed

Login error messages.

- OR -

Enter your email address to reset your password.

Login error messages.

Update your Username

Update your Password