Lindsay Graham Just Destroyed His Chances Of Being Elected President

 

 

 

I’m not an “informed” person and I don’t “read” the news, but I’m pretty sure Lindsay Graham didn’t have a shot to begin with. However, this is his final nail in the coffin right here for two reasons.

 

1. A flip phone. Can’t trust anyone who uses anything but an iPhone. I know the Droid and Galaxy tough guys are probably gonna chirp about their cameras or pixels or phone speed, but I don’t care. If you don’t have an iPhone then you’re a nonconformist and I hate you. Just be normal and get what everyone else has. And unless you’re my drug dealer or a guy cheating on his wife, then you can’t have a flip phone burner and expect me to respect you.

 

 

 

2. This swing

 

 

 

 

Nah man, that’s not gonna fly with me. If you want to be president of these here United States then I need a better cut than that. Can’t have you fouling balls off that are hanging from a string. That shit will get you kicked off a tee ball team, not put you in the Oval Office. If you want to be president you need to be proficient at America’s pastime, like GWB here. Gas, right down the plate. Here’s my fastball, hit it. W would probably strike Graham out on 2 pitches.

 

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