I Think I Officially Became Jared Lorenzen's Publicist Last Night And A CIFL Reporter
As I mentioned last night, Jared Lorenzen still plays football and looks great.
Well I was fortunate enough to get a live stream of the game and it was truly must-see TV. As entertaining as anything I’ve ever seen. I’m talking I may start boycotting the NFL because it pales in comparison. I’m a CIFL guy now, through and through. Some highlights…
Lorenzen is still nimble as all hell and can still chuck the rock
LORENZEN SCRAMBLIN’ AND SLANGIN’!!! https://t.co/JKqwy6sefb
— John Feitelberg (@JFeitelberg) February 4, 2014
Since it was a live stream I couldn’t rewind, you’ll have to take my word on some stuff but I swear it’s true
The Warhorses just picked off Lorenzen and did the “throw the ball in the air and pretend it’s a grenade” celly from The Replacements — John Feitelberg (@JFeitelberg) February 4, 2014
There was just a fist fight on the field. If you’re not watching this then you’re a fool. I can’t stress that enough. — John Feitelberg (@JFeitelberg) February 4, 2014
The center on the Warhorses wore either the biggest t-shirt in the world or a bed sheet under his jersey 
The “field” is at Alltech Arena. Which is a horse track. The field is just a green rug on top of a horse track.
They also use medical tape to line the field/rug 
More Lorenzen highlight reel footage…
Gotta go for the ankles if you want to tackle the Round Mound of Touchdown https://t.co/epSoaQ5n8C
— John Feitelberg (@JFeitelberg) February 4, 2014
It did get a little depressing when I realized how much more athletic a fat man is than me
As funny as this is to watch, Lorenzen weighs 320 and is infinitely more nimble than me
— John Feitelberg (@JFeitelberg) February 4, 2014
I bet the CIFL cheerleaders can fuck the players, XFL style.
Need a close-up of Kentucky indoor football cheerleaders. Bet they bring the sexy https://t.co/5hpRTLIzTu
— John Feitelberg (@JFeitelberg) February 4, 2014
Also, the commentators were hilarious. They had legitimate passions for the game and the team. Also a seemingly legitimate disdain for Lorenzen.
Even the commentators bring the heat in the CIFL. “Lorenzen is about 3 biscuits from 400 pounds”
— John Feitelberg (@JFeitelberg) February 4, 2014
So there it is. That was my Monday night. Who would have thought that I’d be too fat to watch the Super Bowl but somehow I’d still see the most entertaining football game of the week? Not I, that’s for sure. But that’s exactly what happened. I’m not one to pat myself on the back, but I kind of feel like I deserve a Pullizter for last night. Just re-defined the Twitter reporting on a live stream of a Kentucky arena league football game.